Critical End!

Hey kids. We’re taking the week off to prepare for and produce our big ol’ 2010 wrap-up podcast and yearly rating posts. We’ll be back soon, but until then, why not reminisce with our Best of 2009 podcast.

Episode 1 of TellTale’s Back to the Future game has now come and gone, scoring some pretty positive reviews along the way.  Meanwhile, there are a few of us who are pretty pumped about the upcoming Jurrasic Park game that they announced a while back.  Nothing official has been posted online yet, but Game Informer magazine (Remember magazines?  They’re all made of paper and junk) recently ran an article which featured the first screenshots.  Needless to say, it was only a matter of seconds before generic Fanboy #684 scanned them all into his parents computer.  Let’s have a quick look at a few, shall we?

Nothing breathtaking, but it looks like Telltale knows the world and has got another fun ride in store for us.  See all of the scans at lazygamer.

Once again, a strange lack of interesting entertainment news has flooded the internet.  Isn’t it time for for another celebrity to die or something?  What about Gene Hackman?  He hasn’t done much these past few years.

All kidding aside (seriously Gene, we loved you in 2004’s Welcome to Mooseport), the internet is buzzing with the news that James Bond #23 is finally going into production (yay!).  This reminded me of a video some online nerd put together of all the James Bond “Gun Barrel Openings” from Dr. No to Casino Royale.  I’d forgotten that Sean Connery wore a hat in every one of his openings.  It’s also fun to notice how the theme changed over the years.

Argue if you want, but my personal fav is still 2002’s Die Another Day where Bond actually shoots down the barrel of the gun.  Now that’s my James Bond.

That was this episode seducing you. It needs to be the other way around. REVIEWED: Black Swan. PLUS: Minesweeper.

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These past few years John Carpenter has been restricted to producing horror films and writing/directing the occasional Masters of Horror episode.  He hasn’t really made a film since 2001’s John Carpenter’s Ghost of Mars, and quite frankly, that’s fine with me.

Then Wes Craven had to go and ruin it all by making Wes Craven’s My Soul to Take, a film that me, Ryan, and nearly everybody else who was tricked into seeing it agreed was one of the worst films of 2010.  However, our pal John Carpenter took one look at it and thought, “Now there’s a bank full of retirement money for old, overrated filmmakers like myself!  Kids will pay for anything!  It was true when I made John Carpenter’s Halloween H2O and it’s true now!”

Hence: John Carpenter’s The Ward.

So is it just me, or is the twist going to be that she’s the one doing all the killing?  Oh well.  At least John Carpenter isn’t attempting to take us “closer to terror than we’ve ever been before …in 3D”, much like the trailer of that Wes Craven film promised.

I don’t think we ever posted it here, but I’m a big fan of this video of Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon doing their dueling Michael Caine impressions:

Michael Caine, apparently, doesn’t dig it so much. Or at least, he felt compelled to have a little fun at the expense of anyone who tries to imitate his Britishy tones:

[Via Badass Digest]

/Film reports that the Razzies have added a new category this year: Worst Eye-Gouging Misuse of 3D. The contenders? So far it’s Piranha 3D, The Nutcracker in 3D and Resident Evil: Afterlife.

Now that’s not the whole list of eligible 3D movies (which isn’t yet available), but it’s the one the media is circling around. Nutcracker makes sense. There’s no reason for that to be in 3D. But where did the other two come from? Resident Evil is a bombastic action flick, a perfect candidate for 3D. I’m not saying it’s great, but how is that a “misuse of 3D?” And Piranha 3D? Half the joke of that movie is that it’s in 3D! I don’t understand it’s inclusion here.

This hallway has so many dimensions!

You want to talk misuse of 3D? How about My Soul to Take? It wasn’t shot for 3D and was post-converted without Craven’s input. It gains nothing from being in 3D and the 3D itself sucks. Surely that’s a better fit for “misuse”. Or what about cheapo afterthought conversions like Clash of the Titans? If you’re just going to make the category “Worst Movies that Were Coincidentally Available in 3D” then call it that.

Back in July, Harry Hanrahan made a very fun video featuring his picks for the 100 greatest insults ever to grace the silver screen.  It’s a slow news day*, so I was thrilled to see that he recently released a “sequel” video, featuring 100 more awesome insults.  Honestly, I think I may prefer this list more. 

Once again, I implore you to crank up the volume, gather your co-workers around the screen, and see who can name the most films.  Winner buys the first round after work tomorrow.

*Seriously.  The only entertainment news I could find was about Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal’s break-up, and I’m sure as hell not going to report that.  However, I will take this time to say “OMG!”

This episode can’t do nothing for ya, boy. REVIEWED: True Grit (1969), True Grit (2010). PLUS: The Oscar talk begins.

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“Wow,” you think as you finish reading Ryan DiGiorgi’s January 3rd post at Criticalend.com, one of your favorite websites.  “Ryan’s right.  I shouldn’t feel guilty or out-of the-loop when my friends chastise me for not seeing some classic film.  I have all the time in the world to enjoy a good movie.”

You take a sip of your latte and look around the coffee shop.  It’s a beautiful day out, and although you heard that a storm or two may be moving in this weekend, it doesn’t dampen your spirits.  The would is full of people who would complain about things they can’t change, but Mr. DiGiorgi has reminded you to slow down, and not stress about what’s expected.  You’ll get around to seeing Chinatown and Das Boot soon enough, but you’re done with the guilt.  There’s plenty of time. 

Sure, the kids make it hard to find the time to see a good movie, and let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger.  And think about that homeless beggar you saw on the way into the shop: He’s definitely not seeing movies anymore.  I wonder if he ever saw Braveheart?  Then there’s the blood pressure.  Doc said that if you don’t start watching your diet, you could be nearing a massive heart attack.  Or worse.  I mean, what if you fell into an open manhole on the way home?  You would never even get to see that last Indiana Jones flick!  What was it called?  Search for the Crystal Skull or something like that?  You heard it was lame, but you’ve seen the others.  Wouldn’t you feel like a real knucklehead if you knew all of your friends and family were talking about it at your funeral…

And what’s up with that businessman across from you at the coffee shop?!  He left his briefcase on the table and walked off almost fifteen minutes ago!  Who does that?  Now that you think about it, he did seem a bit out of the ordinary, didn’t he?  Why, he could be some sort of Islamic extremist and that very well could be a small nuke ready to blow at any second!  And to think: Stand by Me was on TV the other night and you turned it off.

It’s easy for people with reasonably fictional names like “Ryan DiGiorgi” or “Edgar Wright” to sit around and talk about how it’s never too late to see a movie, but you know better than that.  It may already be too late.

Or maybe not.  Your call really.

XOXOXO,
Logan

Happy New Year, folks. I was sitting here trying to think up a post worthy of kicking off 2011. At the same time I was listening to Edgar Wright on Kevin Smith’s filmmaker podcast and he said something I really loved: It’s never too late to see a movie.

Wright told the story of a fan who had just seen Scott Pilgrim on DVD and apologized to him for having not seen it in theaters. You may recall that movie didn’t do so hot at the box office. Wright told him he was just happy he’d seen it. He then recalled hosting a screening of Evil Dead II and asking how many people in the audience hadn’t seen it before. The few that raised their hands got booed by the rest, but Wright shut them up by reminding them how amazing it must be to be see that movie for the first time in a theater full of hundreds of fans. It’s never too late to see a movie.

In college, I found out a friend of mine hadn’t seen Psycho. My first instinct was to chide her. I mean, that’s sheer cultural unawareness. But I was stunned when she added that she didn’t even know how it ended. She’d somehow lived more than twenty years without having the identity of Norman Bates’s mother ruined for her. Never heard it discussed, seen a parody, nothing. My sense of superiority flipped instantly to envy. I’d seen Psycho, but I’d never had the opportunity to experience it with a truly blank slate. She eventually saw it, and enjoyed it in a way that I would never be able to duplicate for myself.

Logan and I certainly haven’t seen everything. A big part of Critical End is having the excuse to watch more movies, old and new, constantly filling the gaps in our cinematic knowledge. I started writing a post about the shame I associate with my own gaps, and how my New Year’s resolution was to atone for my sins. But Edgar Wright just reminded me to relax. I’ll get around to all those films soon enough, but I’m done feeling guilty about them. It’s never too late to see a movie.

Incidentally, Schindler’s List? Haven’t seen it. But I think this is the year.