Listen, I promise I’ll stop talking about Community as soon as it becomes a huge hit and I’m forced to read intensely personal details about the entire casts life in every new issue of People. Until then, if you ever needed a reason to watch it, I give you this nearly perfect comedy moment from the upcoming Halloween episode, featuring Chevy Chase as The Beastmaster. Yes, you read that right.
The only thing that could even come remotely close to topping that? Chevy and Joel insulting each other:
Your pals at Critical End! would like to wish a super happy birthday to Sir Chevy Chase (we’ve knighted him in our own minds). Can you believe the man is 66 today?! Most people don’t know that Chevy didn’t become the household name that he is today until around his 32 birthday when he first started getting noticed on some show called NBC’s Saturday Night. I wonder what ever happened to that forgotten gem?
Speaking of great moments in Chevy history, Ryan and I have listed our five all-time favorite Chevy films below. In celebration of this special day, why not take a few hours to get reacquainted with one of the greatest comedians of all time?
Ryan’s Top Five Chevy Picks 1. Caddyshack
2. Three Amigos!
3. Fletch
4. National Lampoon’s Vacation
5. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
Logan’s Top Five Chevy Picks 1. Caddyshack
2. National Lampoon’s Vacation
3. Fletch
4. Three Amigos!
5. Spies Like Us
And finally…news hit the web yesterday about a rumored fifth Vacation film from New Line Cinema. However, I couldn’t find a single website that had a source on this, so I’ve decided to hold off reporting the “details” for now. Just be aware that this could possibly exist outside of my dreams within the next few years. More info to come.
I’m not about to turn this into a book review website, but I will quickly say that Michael Ian Black’s My Custom Van and 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face is, without a doubt, one of the funniest books I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. One essay in particular, entitled Taco Party, was so funny that I actually had to put the book down I was laughing so hard. This has never happened.  I later found out that Black read this essay on several stops of the official book tour. The thought of hearing him read this aloud is one thing, but imagining him reading this in a quiet bookstore or library with old ladies and kids around is even better.
Yesterday the publisher of the book, Simon and Schuster, uploaded a video of Black reading Taco Party, and I must say that it’s simply not to be missed.  I won’t tell you what it’s about, but I would recommend turning your speakers all the way up, especially if you’re at work or church.Â
You could say that Li’l Logan was a freak for all things Pee-wee Herman. Unfortunately, this unnatural love has followed me throughout the years…I currently own two t-shirts, a poster, the complete show on DVD and VHS, and the majority of my original Pee-wee’s Playhouse toys. What can I say? Girls dig me.
It also seems that I was a bit ahead of my time: Thanks to Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim and current shows like Blue’s Clues and SpongeBob Square Pants (both have acknowledged the influence of Pee-wee’s Playhouse), Paul Reubens has finally decided to bring his classic character back, starting with a revival of the original stage show. Tickets and information can be found here. Please remember that my birthday is coming up.
What’s that you say? You can’t afford $50 tickets AND a trip to Los Angeles? Well, it looks like you’ll just have to catch Pee-wee’s big primetime return on the September 22nd episode of The Jay Leno Show. It’s free so you have no excuse, you cheap bastard.
Hey kids, this is just a friendly reminder to set those VCRs (seriously, does anybody do that any more?) and be sure to catch the series premiere of Community this Thursday at 9:30/8:30c. Ryan and I will release a Critical Hit! of our thoughts soon after, and wouldn’t it be nice to actually know what we were talking about for once?
I think South Park said it best: “There’s a time and place for everything- and it’s called college.” The following movies are the finest examples of why this statement is true. They’re also insanely funny, highly quotable, and will hopefully remind you why it was worth the money you’re still paying on those student loans.
5. National Lampoon’s Van Wilder (2002) “Crazy kids with their crazy VDs.”
-Van Wilder Allow me to be honest: National Lampoon’s Van Wilder has an incredibly weak script, a finale that revolves around lots of pooping, and the “acting” ability of one Ms. Tara Reid. But you know what?  It’s easy to forget about all of that when you have Ryan “I swear I’m not Chevy Chase” Reynolds as your title character. This was the role that finally brought him to Hollywood’s attention and it saves what otherwise would have been yet another straight to DVD National Lampoon film. Rating: 7 out of 10Â
4. National Lampoon’s Animal House (1978) “Grab a brew. Don’t cost nothin’.”
-Bluto
There’s really not much I can say about this film that you don’t already know. If you went to college/been within 20 feet of a college/heard of the word “college” before, then you’ve most likely already seen this film more times than you care to mention. What can I say?  It’s a classic. Rating: 7 out of 10
3. The Rules of Attraction (2002) “He’s not OD-ing. He’s a freshman. Freshmen don’t OD.”
-Paul Denton Chances are that you’ve never heard of Roger Avary, which is a shame.  Here’s what you don’t know: He’s the other guy who won the Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Pulp Fiction.  Yeah, he could have cashed in on the  Tarantino name for years to come, but he chose instead to take his career as a writer/director in a different direction when he adapted Bret Easton Ellis’ satirical 1987 novel. Unlike the other films on this list, this is not a college movie about the goofy guy with the wacky friends that gets the girl in the end…this is a film about the people you tried your best to avoid in college. Oh, and as long as you’re not easily offended, it’s also damn funny.
 Rating:  8 out of 10   Â
2. Slackers (2002) “I like you. I’ll probably give you a nickname.”
-Cool Ethan I always thought that this would be one of those little seen comedies that would slowly build a large underground following, much like Office Space. Seven years later (and a 4.8 average rating on IMDB) and I’m still wondering when it’s going to happen. The biggest problem that people seem to have with this movie is that Jason Schwartzman is not acting like he’s in a Wes Anderson film. Unlike Anderson, it’s obvious that the director of Slackers just let Schwartzman go nuts with the character. That, combined with Critical End! fav Devon Sawa and a large cast of people you’ll recognize from the late 90’s, make this a must see. Oh,and good luck getting this Schwartzman written closing tune out of your head:
Rating:Â Â 8 out of 10Â
1. Dead Man on Campus (1998) “You can’t be suicidal if you’re singing show tunes!”
-Cooper Looking back, it seems like it was one of those all too rare nights when the comedy gods were on my side: It was my second night of college life. I was in an entirely new world surrounded by strange people and experiences which I was totally unprepared for…when suddenly this movie came on TV and taught me everything I would need to know about the next few years. Simply put, Dead Man on Campus is the greatest film about college life ever made. It’s one of those sneaky films that you’ll find yourself quoting for months after and wanting to watch again and again. While the very funny and original script is to blame for much of this, it’s really hard to mention this movie without bringing up the fact that it should have launched Mark Paul Gosselaar’s post Saved by the Bell career. This is definitely one of those “time and place” movies, the likes of which we may not see again for a long time. Rating:  9 out of 10
Okay, now it’s your turn. Agree? Disagree? Let me know what I missed.
The Mars Movie Database is nowhere near as awesome.
Let’s face it: IMDB.com is awesome. Where else can you confirm that Chevy Chase did indeed star in eight episodes of a Swedish TV show called Hjälp!? However, IMDB also has a dark, dark, I’m talkin’ pitch black side as well…and it’s called the “Movie/TV News” section. What follows are a few actual headlines from the last few hours. You’ve been warned.
Monkey Goes Ape on Biggs
It was a lot like that movie Congo, except you were rooting for the monkeys.
Brody Eyed Fox Flash
A lot of times with these IMDB headlines, I find it more fun to just skip over the story and try to guess what it might be about based on the headline. Here’s what I think: Roy Scheider’s character from Jaws loves to watch FOXnews. (UPDATE: As it turns out, this is a story about Megan Fox’s boobs! A must read!)
and finally…
Bacall Blasts Twilight Vampires
Okay, so this is actually an interesting one. It would seem that film legend Lauren Bacall didn’t like Twilight. Here’s what she had to say about it on Twitter:
Yes, I saw Twilight – my granddaughter made me watch it, she said it was the greatest vampire film ever. After the ‘film’ was over I wanted to smack her across her head with my shoe, but I do not want a (tell-all) book called Grannie Dearest written on me when I die. So instead I gave her a DVD of Murnau’s 1922 masterpiece Nosferatu and told her, ‘Now that’s a vampire film!’ And that goes for all of you! Watch Nosferatu instead!
Wait wait wait. Lauren Bacall has a Twitter account?! Did I read that right?! I don’t even have a Twitter account! My God, man! The woman was born in 1924! IMDB, I think you missed the real news story here.
You know what? It’s time to take back comedy, damn it. No longer will we allow Hollywood to force feed us whatever mediocre new film Judd Apatow is producing! No longer will we listen to any Radiohead listening, PBR sucking hipster explain the brilliance of Bill Murray! It’s time to take a stand! You hear me people?! Who’s with me? LET’S GO!
Hello?
Well, if there’s anybody still reading, that time has come. And by “that time” I mean the return of one Mr. Cornelius Crane Chase. A second coming has been predicted for some time now (your pals here at Critical End! are still trying to figure out why Vegas Vacation didn’t work like it was supposed to), and it looks like it’s going to come from both your TV and local cinema. Take that, Murray!
First off, if you haven’t heard of Community yet, you obviously haven’t been hanging out with me for the past six months. Check out this NBC promo for the scoop. It’s packed with lots of Chevy goodness!
That’s a start in the right direction! But I know you…now you’re thinking, “Gee, Logan, that’s swell and all, but where’s the R-rated Chevy that I’ve heard tale of? Also, you’re ever so handsome.” Whoa. Settle down there, ladies. For those of you who want to see Chevy return to his R-rated roots, check out this teaser for Hot Tub Time Machine!
Granted, Chevy is no where to be seen in this teaser, but do you really want to turn down the chance to see John Cusack and Chevy in the same movie? I think not!
2. If you’re going to reference the fact that this is the fourth movie in a series that started ten years ago, why not just call it em>Final Destination 4? My guess? They lost count.
3. “Death saved the best…..FOR 3D!” may be one of the best tag lines ever.
4. NASCAR?! I mean…really? I guess after the roller coaster opening of the third film (meaning that there actually WAS a roller coaster. It wasn’t that exciting), the series had no where else to go except to the thrilling world of NASCAR.
5. NASCAR again. Not to keep driving this point home (pun intended. Zing!), but isn’t this pretty much the same opening as Final Destination 2? You know, the one with all of the cars on the interstate? I think it is. In fact, it looks to me like they just took that opening and CG’d some NASCAR logos in. LAME.
Yes, that is a picture of me at the height of my "all brown" phase.
Here’s a fun one from back in the day: Remember Stretch Armstrong? Was he one of the coolest toys on the block or what? Next to my sisters’ Lite-Brite (which I only admitted recently to playing with when they weren’t around), Mr. Armstrong was one of the greatest things ever. What kid doesn’t want to own a toy that leaks some strange yellowish goo when it breaks? In fact, the only thing more awesome was Stretch Armstrong’s dog, Fetch Armstrong. Why? Well, for one the name alone was freakin’ genius. See how Fetch rhymes with Stretch? I hope they gave some guy over at Hasbro Toys the rest of the day off for that one. And two: He was a weiner dog! Now THAT’S a toy worth stretchin’!
The real news here is that they’re making a Stretch Armstrong movie because we all remember how great the toy was. I mean, let’s face it: That’s the only reason you bought a ticket to Transformers, wasn’t it? The answer is yes.
Full story (along with a listing of the other upcoming Hasbro films) can be found here.
Some of you may recall my open letter to NBC back in March about the fate of a certain new show starring the absolute dream cast of Chevy Chase and Joel McHale. Today I am proud to report that this wonderful show, or Community as the gods have so named it, is now a reality. Let there be dancing in the streets.
Since IMDB doesn’t have a listing for it yet, the only info I have found is a short two line summary on this site. Don’t bother clicking on it, as here’s the best part:
Needless to say, I think I just peed a little. Is it too soon to declare this the greatest show ever? I think not.
Uh oh. He's got that look in his eyes that can only mean one thing: MURDER (or perhaps "taco night").
You know, there’s a reason I stopped inviting Kiefer Sutherland to my pool parties. Sure, he always brought some killer homemade guacamole and a great collection of Devo records, but he was always too quick to headbutt all of my guests.
And now it seems that the ol’ Kiefernator is at it again: New York City police are currently investigating an incident where, and I swear I’m not making this up, Sutherland apparently headbutted fashion designer Jack McCollough at an upscale party. The reason? McCollough bumped into Brooke Shields and refused to apologize. A spokesperson for Shields had the following to say about the incident:
“Nothing happened to her. Jack did nothing inappropriate. It’s not clear what caused Keifer to do what he did.”
Oh, I’ll tell you what caused him to do what he did: HE’S KIEFER SUTHERLAND. This is what he does, people! Haven’t the New York City police ever seen a Kiefer film, or as I like to call them, a Kiefer Klassic? Listen folks, I know that if I ever meet Sutherland I’m not going to ask him to sign my black and white 8×10 of him in Young Guns II, I’m going to ask him to freakin’ headbutt it…with his head.
It’s hard not to like Joe Dante’s 1978 film Piranha. Sure it was just a lame Roger Corman produced rip-off of Jaws, but in Dante’s hands it became a cult classic. How can you not like a film that’s got mutated killer fish eating a group of elementary school kids, Dick Miller in a huge cowboy hat, and one of my favorite horror movie lines, “Terror, horror, death. Film at eleven.”
But enough about how much I love Joe Dante and how some day he’ll have all my little Logan Jr.’s. You see, Hollywood is remaking Piranha…in 3D…with Elisabeth Shue. Some of you may recall that it was already remade in 1995 as a made for TV movie (which was completely forgettable except for the fact that it starred a young Soleil Moon Frye AND Mila Kunis), but it seems that what Hollywood really thinks it needs is a gory 3D update from that loony French guy who made the pretty bland High Tension. What was his name? Alexandre Aja or something. Crazy French and their crazy…Frenchness. As far as the remake goes, I feel like it could work. We’ll have to wait to find out, so until then why not rent the original this summer?
Anyway, what I really want to talk about is span style=”text-decoration: line-through;”>Joe Dante some more the recent news I read about Richard Dreyfuss shooting a cameo in the new remake. It turns out that the cameo will be an homage to his role in Jaws. So, if I’m understanding this correctly, Dreyfuss is doing an homage to his classic character in a film that is a remake of a rip off of the original film that featured his classic character. Does that sound about right? I was never great at math.
