Critical End!

Here’s the first pic of Captain America’s suit from the upcoming movie.  Thoughts?

More at Ain’t it Cool News.

James Franco, winning the Judd Apatow award for highness.

If you thought not one, but two prequels to Alien were a wee bit unnecessary, does Hollywood have news for you!

James Franco has signed on to play a scientist who creates a group of hyper intelligent chimps that will later take over the world leading to…are you ready for this…Planet of The Apes!  Gasp!  Wait…the hell?

Yes, a prequel to 1968’s Planet of the Apes may be, by all accounts, the most pointless prequel to come from Hollywood in a very long time.  And the casting of James Franco as a monkey scientist?  Yeah, I don’t know where they come up with these things either.  This is proof that Hollywood relies a bit more on the 14-year-old girl crowd than the still-living-in-my parents-basement male crowd.

I’m sorry, but let me just say this one more time so we’re all on the same page here: Remember those crazy apes in Planet of the Apes?  Dr. James Franco made them.

via CHUD/Variety

Here are some things that happened recently that I never got around to posting!

"I'd like to run a few wrestling names for myself by you. Now, I've narrowed it down to Luscious Lou' and 'Texas Joe Hotdog'..."

Shia LaBeouf wasn’t thrilled with the last Indiana Jones either, and he refreshingly blames himself.  To be fair, it certainly wasn’t all (or even mostly) his fault.  Uninspired writing and terrible CG did most of the work.  But it’s still nice to read this:

You get to monkey-swinging and things like that and you can blame it on the writer and you can blame it on Steven. But the actor’s job is to make it come alive and make it work, and I couldn’t do it. So that’s my fault. Simple.

Yep...just as I planned it?

Speaking of travesties wrought by George Lucas, the director recently had some words of advice for the produces of Lost:

Congratulations on pulling off an amazing show. Don’t tell anyone … but when ‘Star Wars’ first came out, I didn’t know where it was going either. The trick is to pretend you’ve planned the whole thing out in advance.

It’s nice of him to share his trade secrets, but it seems unnecessary.  From what I’ve heard, the writers of Lost have already usurped Lucas for the title of laziest hacks in the business.

In happier news, Critical End! favorite John Landis is reportedly going forward with a biopic of Bill Gaines, the man behind E.C. Comics and Mad Magazine.  I can’t think of a better director for the project.  Hopefully this, along with Burke and Hare will represent a return to prominence for Landis.

And finally, this re-imagining of the classic Sesame Street Pinball Number Count (AKA “11, 12!”) is a must-see.  Have a great weekend, kids!

There is something very creepy going on in the bottom right of this photo.

It comes as a surprise to pretty much nobody that Iron Man 2 was the number one film this past weekend.  While the actual box office itself didn’t set any #1 records (it placed fifth for all-time best grossing weekend), I was a bit surprised to learn that it did set the record for the widest release in motion picture history(4,380 theaters to be exact), beating former record holder The Dark Knight by a mere 14 theaters. 

Meanwhile, repeat business is supposed to make it’s overall box office climb even higher.  If you’re one of those nerds- I mean, people…no wait, nerds will do…that plan on seeing it again, why not check out some of the confirmed Easter eggs that CHUD dug up.

So, what did your pals here at Critical End! Think about it?  Find out tomorrow in our podcast!

Ya got me.  I’m pretty psyched for Machete.

If you listened to our last podcast, you’re probably aware of my love for director Vincenzo Natali, despite the fact that I can’t pronounce his name and I thought he was French, when in actuality he was born in Detroit.  Do I really know what the hell I’m even talking about?  As usual, the answer is no. 

With this in mind, I think it may be time to pull a much loved (by us anyway) Critical End! Film School session and review his first three full length films.  For those of you who haven’t been paying attention in class, this is along the lines of what I did previously for the Silent Night, Deadly Night series, and what Ryan is doing currently for Alec Baldwin‘s career.  The three films that I’ll be taking a critical look at in the coming weeks are Cube, Cypher, and Nothing.  All three of these films are available on Netflix, and I can also tell you that two of them are already classics in my book, so why not rent them now so you can be ready to disagree with me when the time comes?

Oh yeah, and as some of you may realize, all of this is in preparation for a film called Splice which opens in a few weeks.  We’ll be reviewing that as well.

Here’s the first image of Thor from Kenneth Branagh’s upcoming Marvel film.  I have to say, I’m surprised that they’re sticking this closely to the costume from the comics.  I thought they’d try to make it look a bit darker, maybe lose the big red cape.  I wonder how weird this guys’ going to look standing next to Iron Man in the Avengers movie?  On the upside, I still can’t really believe there’s going to be an Avengers movie.  All my 7th grade fantasies are coming true!  Except for the one about that chick who sat behind me in Math class…

[Yahoo! via /Film]

Here we go again!

According to /Film, everyone’s favorite dread pirate and evil tornado enthusiast has signed on for Saw VII, reprising his role from the original.

It’s easy to see this as a desperate attempt to inject some life into a series that’s been running low on good ideas lately, but the plot–which centers around a support group for Jigsaw survivors–has some potential.  If they manage to get through the whole thing without yet another hackneyed flashback starring Shawnee Smith, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Hey kids, just wanted to remind you that this is an actual film, and it’s coming out in two months.  This should be more than enough time for you to start avoiding the theater.  Hell, I happened to pass by a theater with this poster outside on my way to work this morning and I now plan on taking the longer route just to avoid it.

PS: Is it just me or is Spade showing WAY too much leg in this picture?

UPDATE: There’s also a Japanese version!

As a child of the 80’s, I have very distinct memories of commercials like this one for Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear.  Take a look…

I am literally buried under a mountain of sense memory right now.  Which is all the more impressive, considering that this isn’t actually a vintage commercial, but a brand new bit of viral marketing for Toy Story 3.

Too much hugging, one presumes.

That is some impressive mimicry, Pixar.  More evidence that these guys are deeply committed to manipulating me emotionally.  WHY DID THAT SLUT HAVE TO ABANDON JESSIE FOR MAKEUP AND BOYS, DAMMIT?!!?!

Also, if you’re like me, you’re now looking for either this…

…or this…

I never noticed the jaunty key change in the Kid Sister section of the jingle. Girls are always showing off.

Dogs don't wear suits!

Like many, I came out of Men In Black II disappointed.  The story was kind of lame, Tommy Lee Jones’s reintroduction could have been much more epic, and it suffered from trying to cram in every character from the first film.  I think I’m going to start calling that “Crank 2 Syndrome”.

In any case, I still thought the series had potential, which is why it’s good to hear that both Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones have agreed to a third film.  Here’s the thing, though:  Without the dynamic of introducing a new recruit to the Men In Black (which both movies used), what’s this movie going to be about?  Maybe they’ll be forced to make the plot itself interesting.  Or perhaps they’ll just write in a new rookie agent, treating us once again to the classic “small gun is surprisingly dangerous” bit.

Oh, and it’s in 3D.

…if it were painted on the side of a van in the ’70’s.  Other than that: Really, Disney?

I’m going to be honest.  I miss Schwarzenegger.  Sure, he’s terrible at acting as we traditionally define it.  But he’s an expert at being Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This has nothing to do with anything, except that I found it while searching for "late".

Hang tight, kids!  Our 50th episode spectacular is shaping up to be so spectacular that it’s going to take a bit more time to complete than we thought.  You’ll have it hot from the oven, same time next week at the latest.

To thank you for your patience, we’ve decided to give you something to listen to in the meantime.  All 15 episodes of PodCorn, our little-heard first podcast series, unaltered and with original flavor text in tact.

Sure, the reviews are old, but this show never came out on time anyway.  They’re from a simpler time (before editing), so be gentle.  But, they may serve you well if you’re jonesing for your weekly fix of whatever-the-hell.

PodCorn Episode #01 – “The Three Faces of Kong”
Feb. 3, 2006 – Logan and Ryan review Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” remake as well as the 1933 original and the cheesy 70’s version. Plus the Top 10 Animal Love Movies.
Click for the full episode list…