These past few years John Carpenter has been restricted to producing horror films and writing/directing the occasional Masters of Horror episode. He hasn’t really made a film since 2001’s John Carpenter’s Ghost of Mars, and quite frankly, that’s fine with me.
Then Wes Craven had to go and ruin it all by making Wes Craven’s My Soul to Take, a film that me, Ryan, and nearly everybody else who was tricked into seeing it agreed was one of the worst films of 2010.  However, our pal John Carpenter took one look at it and thought, “Now there’s a bank full of retirement money for old, overrated filmmakers like myself! Kids will pay for anything! It was true when I made John Carpenter’sHalloween H2O and it’s true now!”
Hence:Â John Carpenter’s The Ward.
So is it just me, or is the twist going to be that she’s the one doing all the killing? Oh well. At least John Carpenter isn’t attempting to take us “closer to terror than we’ve ever been before …in 3D”, much like the trailer of that Wes Craven film promised.
I don’t think we ever posted it here, but I’m a big fan of this video of Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon doing their dueling Michael Caine impressions:
Michael Caine, apparently, doesn’t dig it so much. Or at least, he felt compelled to have a little fun at the expense of anyone who tries to imitate his Britishy tones:
/Film reports that the Razzies have added a new category this year: Worst Eye-Gouging Misuse of 3D. The contenders? So far it’s Piranha 3D, The Nutcracker in 3D and Resident Evil: Afterlife.
Now that’s not the whole list of eligible 3D movies (which isn’t yet available), but it’s the one the media is circling around. Nutcracker makes sense. There’s no reason for that to be in 3D. But where did the other two come from? Resident Evil is a bombastic action flick, a perfect candidate for 3D. I’m not saying it’s great, but how is that a “misuse of 3D?” And Piranha 3D? Half the joke of that movie is that it’s in 3D! I don’t understand it’s inclusion here.
This hallway has so many dimensions!
You want to talk misuse of 3D? How about My Soul to Take? It wasn’t shot for 3D and was post-converted without Craven’s input. It gains nothing from being in 3D and the 3D itself sucks. Surely that’s a better fit for “misuse”. Or what about cheapo afterthought conversions like Clash of the Titans? If you’re just going to make the category “Worst Movies that Were Coincidentally Available in 3D” then call it that.
Back in July, Harry Hanrahan made a very fun video featuring his picks for the 100 greatest insults ever to grace the silver screen. It’s a slow news day*, so I was thrilled to see that he recently released a “sequel” video, featuring 100 more awesome insults.  Honestly, I think I may prefer this list more.Â
Once again, I implore you to crank up the volume, gather your co-workers around the screen, and see who can name the most films. Winner buys the first round after work tomorrow.
*Seriously.  The only entertainment news I could find was about Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal’s break-up, and I’m sure as hell not going to report that. However, I will take this time to say “OMG!”
“Wow,” you think as you finish reading Ryan DiGiorgi’s January 3rd post at Criticalend.com, one of your favorite websites. “Ryan’s right. I shouldn’t feel guilty or out-of the-loop when my friends chastise me for not seeing some classic film. I have all the time in the world to enjoy a good movie.”
You take a sip of your latte and look around the coffee shop. It’s a beautiful day out, and although you heard that a storm or two may be moving in this weekend, it doesn’t dampen your spirits.  The would is full of people who would complain about things they can’t change, but Mr. DiGiorgi has reminded you to slow down, and not stress about what’s expected. You’ll get around to seeing Chinatown and Das Boot soon enough, but you’re done with the guilt. There’s plenty of time.Â
Sure, the kids make it hard to find the time to see a good movie, and let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger. And think about that homeless beggar you saw on the way into the shop: He’s definitely not seeing movies anymore.  I wonder if he ever saw Braveheart? Then there’s the blood pressure. Doc said that if you don’t start watching your diet, you could be nearing a massive heart attack. Or worse. I mean, what if you fell into an open manhole on the way home? You would never even get to see that last Indiana Jones flick! What was it called? Search for the Crystal Skull or something like that? You heard it was lame, but you’ve seen the others. Wouldn’t you feel like a real knucklehead if you knew all of your friends and family were talking about it at your funeral…
And what’s up with that businessman across from you at the coffee shop?! He left his briefcase on the table and walked off almost fifteen minutes ago! Who does that? Now that you think about it, he did seem a bit out of the ordinary, didn’t he? Why, he could be some sort of Islamic extremist and that very well could be a small nuke ready to blow at any second! And to think: Stand by Me was on TV the other night and you turned it off.
It’s easy for people with reasonably fictional names like “Ryan DiGiorgi” or “Edgar Wright” to sit around and talk about how it’s never too late to see a movie, but you know better than that. It may already be too late.
Happy New Year, folks. I was sitting here trying to think up a post worthy of kicking off 2011. At the same time I was listening to Edgar Wright on Kevin Smith’s filmmaker podcast and he said something I really loved: It’s never too late to see a movie.
Wright told the story of a fan who had just seen Scott Pilgrim on DVD and apologized to him for having not seen it in theaters. You may recall that movie didn’t do so hot at the box office. Wright told him he was just happy he’d seen it. He then recalled hosting a screening of Evil Dead II and asking how many people in the audience hadn’t seen it before. The few that raised their hands got booed by the rest, but Wright shut them up by reminding them how amazing it must be to be see that movie for the first time in a theater full of hundreds of fans. It’s never too late to see a movie.
In college, I found out a friend of mine hadn’t seen Psycho. My first instinct was to chide her. I mean, that’s sheer cultural unawareness. But I was stunned when she added that she didn’t even know how it ended. She’d somehow lived more than twenty years without having the identity of Norman Bates’s mother ruined for her. Never heard it discussed, seen a parody, nothing. My sense of superiority flipped instantly to envy. I’d seen Psycho, but I’d never had the opportunity to experience it with a truly blank slate. She eventually saw it, and enjoyed it in a way that I would never be able to duplicate for myself.
Logan and I certainly haven’t seen everything. A big part of Critical End is having the excuse to watch more movies, old and new, constantly filling the gaps in our cinematic knowledge. I started writing a post about the shame I associate with my own gaps, and how my New Year’s resolution was to atone for my sins. But Edgar Wright just reminded me to relax. I’ll get around to all those films soon enough, but I’m done feeling guilty about them. It’s never too late to see a movie.
Incidentally, Schindler’s List? Haven’t seen it. But I think this is the year.
You know how every Pixar film in theaters opens with a nifty little short? I’ve always thought of it as a great throwback to film going days of old, while also enjoying the little extra bit of Pixar I’m getting for my buck. I especially enjoyed Day & Night, the short before Toy Story 3, although the teenagers in front of me seemed to be wondering if they were in the wrong theater.
Pixar tweets are beginning to flow like crazy now that we’re getting closer to (collective moan) Cars 2, and they all seem to hint towards the same thing: The film will open with the first of several Toy Story character epilogue shorts. While this seems like a fun thought at first (and a great way to trick people like me into seeing Cars 2), I hope that this doesn’t cheapen what I thought was a great ending to a very fun trilogy. Then again, this is Pixar, and I’m sure they’ll bring us nothing but the finest. Like Cars 2, for example.
The first short is called Hawaii, and will feature Barbie and Ken. As long as they bring back favs Michael Keaton and Jodi Benson, I’m sure it’ll be awesome.
After seeing this, I’ll take back some of the ill words I had for it a few weeks back, but not all.Â
I stand by my statement that Seth Rogan is a terrible voice casting choice. He’s too “I’m really a formally fat Jewish guy” to sound alien. And speaking of voice work, we live in an age where we no longer need trailers read to to us by some fancy voice guy…so why hire one just to read “Paul”? And finally: Nick Frost was not allowed to talk in this trailer.  He charges extra for that.
Finally home from my holiday festivities, and I’ve come baring gifts. Check out the teaser for Kevin Smith’s religious-themed horror film Red State.
Even though this tells us next to nothing, I’m pretty interested. Granted, I’m a Kevin Smith fan, and I’m anxious to see what he can do in this new genre, but casting a crazy priest as your villain seems pretty original to me. I’m probably REALLY wrong about that, so feel free to post links to all the other crazy priest movies in the comments.
Merry Festival of the Bells, folks! Like Logan said, it’s a short week. We wanted to get you guys the Tron/Tron Legacy show today, but holiday travel and technical difficulties intervened. We’ll have it for you next Wednesday, and, if all goes well, True Grit the week after that. It’s a Very Jeff Bridges Christmas.
Speaking of, here’s a bit of Tron to tide you over. The well-remembered 1982 Tron Holiday Special from Funny or Die.
Back in June, you may recall us posting the first promotional shot from the upcoming Hugh Jackman “film” Real Steel, or as Dreamworks is referring to it, Real Steal.Â
Yeah, yeah. I know that’s a terrible joke, but check out this trailer.  Dreamworks is practically reaching into my pocket and taking money from me. The only believable line in the entire trailer is Jackman yelling “Let’s make some money!”, because, let’s face it, that’s exactly what this film is going to do. I don’t quite think we’re talking about the next Avatar here, but perhaps Transformers for sure. Sigh.
Not a ton going down today, but remember that new CG animated Road Runner short WB was working on? Well here it is (in full this time), and you don’t have to suffer through some terrible Cats & Dogs movie to see it.
I dig it. It hit all the right beats, had me laughing out loud, then got out quickly. And it reminded me of Tangled, in that it was produced with CG, but was obviously tailored to look like its hand-drawn source material. Nice going, WB. Let’s see more where this came from, hopefully in front of better movies than Cats & Dogs.
So here’s what we know. First and awesomest, Disney has released an official synopsis for the new Muppet flick:
On vacation in Los Angeles, Walter, the world’s biggest Muppet fan, and his friends Gary (Jason Segel) and Mary (Amy Adams) from Smalltown, USA, discover the nefarious plan of oilman Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) to raze the Muppet Theater and drill for the oil recently discovered beneath the Muppets’ former stomping grounds.
To stage The Greatest Muppet Telethon Ever and raise the $10 million needed to save the theater, Walter, Mary and Gary help Kermit reunite the Muppets, who have all gone their separate ways: Fozzie now performs with a Reno casino house band called the Moopets, Miss Piggy is a plus-size fashion editor at Vogue Paris, Animal is in a Santa Barbara clinic for anger management, and Gonzo is a high-powered plumbing magnate.
With secret, signature, celebrity cameos, The Muppets hits the big screen Nov. 23, 2011.
That’s pretty much what we’ve been hearing with some great new details on what the disbanded Muppets are up to at the film’s beginning. You’ll also note that the release date has been moved form Christmas to Thanksgiving, meaning you’ll get your Muppet fix a full month earlier.
In bittersweet news, Paul Rudd has squashed the rumor that he’s voicing Segel’s puppet pal Walter. Bitter because we all love Paul Rudd, but sweet because my preference is for Muppeteers to voice Muppets. It’s the natural order of things. Of course it’s still possible they’ll go for a celebrity dub job to pull in a broader audience. It’s also possible that Celebrity Dub Job would make a great title for a gameshow.
Last thing, Muppet Central linked some sneaky set pics posted at On Location Vacations. They’re guaranteed to satisfy all your dour-looking-gentleman-manhandling-Beaker needs.
Picture from the upcoming Robin Hood music video, "Here Comes the Wicky Wicky Wild Wild Jiggy Robin Hood"
Long story short: The Wachowski brothers siblings, Andy and LarryLana Wachowski, are in the early stages of adapting a new Robin Hood film.  The “twist”?   It’s going to be set in a modern, urban society, which I guess screams “black Robin Hood”.  Hence: Will Smith.
So let’s look at what we have: Will Smith in a modern take of the Robin Hood tale? Sounds fine…if it were 1998. Honestly: We really don’t need another Robin Hood film, modern, urban society or not. Ridly Scott already released his “true” version of the story earlier this year, and while it wasn’t a terrible film, it really felt like I had seen it all before. And Will Smith has so many movies in the works that remind us how awesome he was a few years back, it’s ridiculous. Here’s a quick list from IMDB: Bad Boys 3, I, Robot 2, Independence Day 2, Men in Black 3, I Am Legend 2, and I kid you not, Independence Day 3. Â
As for the Wachowski  brothers siblings, Andy and LarryLana Wachowski, I gave up on you guysgentlemen people long before the credits for The Matrix Reloaded started rolling.
Apologies for the headline, but truth be told, so many people are concerned about the whole Mel Gibson side of this trailer that they’re completely missing out on all sorts of wonderful Jodie Foster “beaver” jokes.
Anyway, the trailer itself has me intrigued.  Visually, the film looks wonderful, and it’s packing more emotion than I expected from a film about a talking beaver. However, even if it looks good or turns out to be great, will it ever get the respect it fully deserves? Perhaps. History continues to prove that people are ready to forgive Mel, especially since it looks like no charges are going to be filed against him.
Let us know what you think below. Truthfully? I’ll buy a ticket.
