Critical End!

Finally, we’ve got our first real taste of Telltale’s new Back to the Future adventure game and it’s glorious. AJ LoCascio sounds amazing as Marty. Chris Lloyd is as Doc-like as ever. The look, the music, and the DeLorean are all pitch perfect. As far as I know, there’s no solid release date, but the first episode is coming out sometime this month.

The biggest remaining question mark involves the villainous Tannen family line. According to the end of the trailer, the second episode is called “Get Tannen!” That indicates that Biff Tannen or one of his ancestors will appear. But Tom Wilson, who played Biff in the films, has told BTTF.com that he hasn’t been approached for voice work. Seems odd since Telltale is pushing hard for authenticity and Wilson’s an active (and probably inexpensive) actor. Maybe the two parties have already struck a deal and are just waiting for the right time to make the big announcement. Either way, we’ll find out soon.

[Trailer via Kotaku]

Looks like it's back to work for boob master Eli Roth!

And that title is…Piranha 3DD! 

Seriously.  I may be alone here, but Ithink that’s a brilliant title.  I can pretty much already see the 3D boobs on the poster, and as we all know, 3D boobs pack those theater seats.  Hollywood even has a formula for this:

3D boobies = Money in bank

Have a great weekend, kids.

If you’re anything like me (sexy, funny, and loved by women the world over), you most likely spent a day, or perhaps even two, at your local cineplex this past holiday weekend.  However, while most of you dorkie nerdo’s were there to watch the usual holiday blockbuster and eat large bags of overly buttered popcorn, I was there working.  That’s right, even on the holidays, your pals at Critical End! are pulling overtime.  Anyway, here’s the lowdown on two new posters I saw.  Let me know what you dorkie nerdos think.

First up is a poster for a movie that I’m really looking forward to…Taken 2!

What do you mean this isn’t Taken 2?  Liam Neeson has a gun, for chrissake!  And look at that car!  It’s totally flying through the air all Liam Neeson style!  And you’re telling me this isn’t Taken 2?  Whatev.  Unrelated: What happened to that one side of Liam’s face?

Moving on, here’s a poster for a movie I was excited about…until I saw the poster.

I recall seeing some very awesome looking promo shots for this film.  None of them featured a badly CG’d alien.  I also recall thinking that this was going to be the one film coming out in 2011 that didn’t feature Seth Rogan in some capacity.  I’m slightly disappointed, producers of Hot Fuzz.  Unrelated: This apparently isn’t Taken 2 either.  I checked.

Hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving weekend.  Next stop: X’mas!     

Here at Critical End! we’re proud of our knowledge of holiday themed horror movies.  Why, if it weren’t for us, you wouldn’t know the true, god-awful horror of such “classics” like Valentine, Leprechaun, and Silent Night Deadly Night Parts 1 through 5. What’s our secret?  Simply put: We know that you would rather spend the holidays with your family and not watching some shitty horror movie featuring Clint Howard or a killer leprechaun.  That being said, it’s with a humble heart that I ask you to ditch your family this Thanksgiving Thursday and go out of your way to watch a little holiday themed horror film proudly called ThanksKilling.

“But, Logan,” I can can hear you whining.  “I love my family and the time spent with them!”  Yeah, well your family sucks.  This movie doesn’t.  Okay, it kinda does.  But that’s the point.  Stick with me, folks.

The tagline says it all.

ThanksKilling opens on a cue card telling us that we’re about to see the very first Thanksgiving.  It then quickly cuts to boobs.  Pilgrim boobs, that is, and not just any pilgrim boobs.  Running pilgrim boobs.  And what happens when there’s no place else for pilgrim boobs to run?  A talking turkey kills her with an axe.  Smash cut to opening credits playing over what can best be described as a remix of the Halloween theme with added “gobbles” mixed in, and I suddenly realized that something magical was unfolding on my TV screen: A horror holiday film the likes of which I hadn’t seen since Jack Frost.

There’s what you might call a plot.  Some college students are heading home for Thanksgiving break and their car breaks down.  They party and flirt, and once they get all of the wiener and tit jokes out of the way, things get going.  You guessed it: A killer turkey starts stalking and killing them one by one.  An attempt, of sorts, is made to explain the origins of the killer turkey, but I won’t bore you with the details.  Let’s just say it involves and ancient pilgrim curse and flash animation. 

The probelm is, all of this is kinda awesome.  I would go as far as to say that there are some genuinely funny moments.  Sure, the actors aren’t the best, but they understand how to play it all very “wink wink”, without completly tipping the hat.  There’s even a Trey Parker-ish musical number.  And the turkey…well, all you really need to know is that he kills people, wears disguises, and talks. 

Proof that you will like this movie.

Until Eli Roth gets around to actually making Thanksgiving, this is the most fun you’re going to have at Thanksgiving, next to Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, of course.  So ditch the boring family this year and check it out.  Oh, and ThanksKilling is currently a Watch Instantly on Netflix, which makes it a perfect way to spend those last few hours of Thanksgiving night before you nod off.  Your smelly uncle won’t mind.

Rating:
7 out of 10.

Hey folks.  It’s a short week due to Thanksgiving.  No podcast and we’ll just be posting today and tomorrow.  So, before the holiday break, I wanted to clear out a couple things I meant to post about last week:

First up, here’s some long lost footage from Back to the Future Part II. It’s the full video loop that plays outside the Biff Tannen Museum scene in alternate 1985. There’s definitely more here than we see in the finished film, and it sounds like the narration is still temp. So, I guess that makes this the version from alternate alternate 1985.

[/Film via BTTF.com]

While we’re on the subject, check out this very interesting article where BTTF scribe Bob Gale debunks some common misconceptions about the trilogy.

It’s old news now, but here’s the full Green Lantern trailer. Everything about it pleases me except the costume which was created entirely by CG rather than physical material. It looked great on the cover of Entertainment Weekly awhile back, but it’s kind of fakey when seen in motion. Hopefully they’ll give it one more pass before it hits theaters.

Here’s a publicity shot for the Broadway musical Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark wherein Nicole Kidman from Moulin Rouge! is terrorized by a slouchy, bipedal version of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Badass Digest has three others, each goofier than the last.

"It's the fact that I'm a walking abomination isn't it?"

And finally, if you’re spending Monday counting the hours until the Thanksgiving holiday, embrace your frustration with this video compilation of every violent, primal, non-lingual utterance Arnold Schwarzenegger has ever committed to film. See you next week!

[Via /Film]

…why not make it a movie night?  And since this film doesn’t fully exist yet…

…why not get the family together and watch this one instead?

Full review coming this Tuesday.  See you back here then.

Eyes on the monitor, sir.

Not for you, but for some lucky Muppeteer.  /Film has posted some new pics (via The Daily Mail) from the set of The Muppets, including this one of Amy Adams with new Muppet Walter.  Now, we know Paul Rudd will provide Walter’s voice, but as a Muppet fan, I’ve been wondering who’ll be on puppet duty.

The only suspect who came to mind based on the long hair was Steve Whitmire himself, the man behind Kermit.  But this guy looked too young to be Whitmire, so I hit up Muppet Wiki which identifies the puppeteer as Peter Linz.  I’d seen his name in Muppet credits before, but I couldn’t think of any major roles he’d performed, until I discovered that he was the voice of Tutter from Bear in the Big Blue House.  You may not know who that is, but the memory of Linz squeaking I GOTTA BIG BLOCK OF CHEESE HERE, BEAR! still brings a smile to my face.  I couldn’t ask for a better hand for Paul Rudd’s voice to come out of.

No time to talk, folks! I have to get back to remaking "Rushmore" again!

Hey kids, did you hear?  Wes Anderson has announced his next film!  It’s called Moon Rise Kingdom and *yawn*.  Oh my.  Excuse me.  How unprofessional.  I apologize.  Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Deadline is reporting that the cast is shaping up to look like Edward Norton, Tilda Swinton, Bill Murray, and *yawns and nods off*

What?  Oh, hey.  Sorry.  Just got sleepy all of the sudden.  What was I talking about?  Oh, yeah.  Wes Anderson.  I- *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*.

In all seriousness, this is a real film that’s happening and it’s just as boring as it sounds.  If anybody needs me I’ll be sleeping on the Z key.

…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz…

Yoinked from /Film

/Film, famous for being the site I steal most of my posts from, has scored some awesome pictures from the set of the new Jason Segel Muppet movie.  Gotta say, I like what I see.  Check out the link for pics of Henson Studios converted to the rundown Muppet Studios, as well as the Electric Mayhem bus, and puppeteers performing Walter, Segel’s best pal.

And if you haven’t heard, Amy Adams has been cast as Segel’s girlfriend, and the evil-faced Chris Cooper has signed on for the villain.  No new ground broken for either actor, but I can watch Adams be a girlfriend and Cooper be a dick all day.  Fingers crossed, folks.

His record speaks for itself, but I’ll always know him best as the man who helped bring us this:

Godspeed, sir.

Hi. I'm Joe Dante and I approve of this message. Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to being amazing.

The Howling is the best werewolf movie of all time.  Don’t think so?  Let’s look at the the facts: Joe Dante directed.  Robert Picardo is creepy as all get out.  The effects by Rob Bottin and Rick Baker still amaze.  Dick Miller chases off a bunch of nuns.  Hell, even Roger Corman shows up to parody himself.  The only other werewolf film that even comes close to this amount of awesomeness is John Landis’ An American Werewolf in London.  So, yes, when a film is this strikingly magnificent it’s only a matter of time before Hollywood remakes it.

Which is not happening.

Instead somebody at Anchor Bay thinks we want another Howling sequel.  I kid you not.  It’s been 15 years since The Howling VII: New Moon Rising hit video shelves, and even longer since anybody cared, yet Moonstone Entertainment/Anchor Bay thinks that there’s still enough interest in the series to now warrant The Howling Reborn.  I guess they’re also ignoring the fact that most of us stopped watching the Howling sequels about five minutes into The Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf (actual title, I swear to God).

Head over to CHUD for the full story.  I’ll plan to see this film only if Dick Miller shows up in the middle of the first act and chases the cast and crew off.  Good riddance.

Under the new plan, Netflix will only get the movie after at least one lead actor has died.

So, Warner Bros. (and other studios) have been experimenting with a month-long wait before new DVD releases hit Netflix. Apparently, that’s been a success because Gizmodo says that the company is thinking of making the wait even longer.

Obviously, the idea is that if you have to wait for a movie to show up on Netflix, you may break down and just go buy it.  Which, in my mind, makes absolutely no sense.  Maybe I don’t consume movies in the same way others do, but if you were really chomping at the bit to see a movie, so much so that you can’t wait four weeks to get it for (essentially) free from Netflix, then why did you wait four months for the DVD instead of just going to the theater?

The wait period may be convincing some folks who were on the fence to just bite the bullet and buy.  I admit I’ve done it when I wanted to see a movie at a very specific time (like for a Halloween party.)  But I can’t imagine that’s a huge number of people.  In fact, I’m more inclined to believe that the planned increase is an attempt to save a bad idea, rather than make a good one more profitable.  Am I wrong?  Anyone out there ever bought a DVD because they couldn’t rent it yet?

It appears that some movie nerd (that wasn’t us) made a great map of the United States marked with which movie best represents each state.  This is one of those things that is so streets ahead that I really wish I had come up with it.  Drat.

Click pic to see your state

I’m really digging how many of these are the exact same films I would have chosen.  So…any disagreements?  Proud of your state film?

via CHUD

This list isn't for you, Li'l Eeyore!

Happy Halloween, folks!  If you’re like me, Halloween has transformed over the years from an excuse to dress up and bug people for candy to an excuse to sit at home and watch scary movies.  And eat candy.

Recently, some friends asked me to put together a list of thriller/horror movies that I recommended.  I was pretty happy with what I came up with, so I’m sharing it with you, in case you needed some inspiration for your own All Hallows’ Eve celebration.  Feel free to disagree in the comments.

SOME REALLY GREAT AND PRETTY GOOD THRILLER/HORROR MOVIES IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER EXCEPT THE LAST ONE!

• Psycho (thriller/slasher) Obviously.  First and best slasher.
• Three…Extremes (Saam gaang yi – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – This one’s great for a party because it’s composed of three short stories, all creepy.  None of them are blow-you-away-awesome but they’re each fun and disgusting in their own way.  Gets very gross.
• The Evil Dead Trilogy (horror/horror comedy/action adventure) – Watch Instantly from Netflix - Obviously a must see.  The second one’s the best, but they’re all great and better as a marathon.
• Psycho Beach Party (horror comedy) My favorite horror comedy of all time.  Gidget meets Hitchcock.
• Re-Animator (horror/dark comedy) – Crazy college student discovers Frankenstein serum, creates super disturbing zombies.  Jeffrey Combs is amazing in this.
• Dead Alive – (horror comedy-ish) aka Braindead.  Early Peter Jackson does Evil Dead.
• The Frighteners (horror comedy-ish) later Peter Jackson does Ghostbusters
• The Mist (thriller) – Most of the movie is an awesome and faithful adaptation of the Stephen King novella.  Then the end…oh man, the end.  Different from the book but AMAZING.
• Undead (horror comedy)  Probably my second favorite horror comedy.  Australian zombie flick with kickass action and a really weird plot twist.  Succeeds both in the comedy and the horror which is rare.
• Infection (Kansen – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix - Some weird infection makes people kill people in gruesome and awesome ways.  The story’s not stellar, but the suspense and effects are pretty great.
• Identity – Remember this?  John Cusack….anyone?  I liked it.
• Dawn of the Dead (the 2004 remake)  I wasn’t a fan of Romero’s original but this remake is pretty good.
• Premonition (Yogen – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix - NOT the Sandra Bullock version.  Very cool film.
• The Omen (the original)- Watch Instantly from Netflix - Awesome suspense film made even better by giving you the opportunity to do Gregory Peck impression’s the whole time.  I’ll get you started:
  • “I remember when my daddy gave me that gun. He told me that I should never point it at anything in the house; and that he’d rather I’d shoot at tin cans in the backyard. But he said that sooner or later he supposed the temptation to go after birds would be too much, and that I could shoot all the blue jays I wanted – if I could hit ’em; but to remember it was a sin to kill a mockingbird…”
• The Howling (horror/dark comedy) – Early Joe Dante’s take on werewolves mixed with some weird social commentary.  If you watch this, you must PROMISE me that you’ll be deathly quiet when the female lead is searching the dark office.  Because the best thing ever is about to happen.
• The Descent – Spooky thangs in a cave.
• Creepshow (cheese factor) – Watch Instantly from Netflix - Adaptation of several Stephen King short stories.  The one King himself stars in is hilarious.
• Final Destination (cheese factor)  Though I secretly like this movie on a non-ironic level.  Avoid all the sequels.
• Gremlins and/or Gremlins 2 – Again, an obvious one.
• The Thing (John Carpenter)
• Black Sheep (horror comedy)
• The Eye (Gin gwai – subtitled) NOT the Jessica Alba version.
• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original) – It’s not stellar but it did invent the chainsaw maniac as well as the documentary style horror movie.
• The ‘burbs – Watch Instantly from Netflix - (horror/comedy)
• Silent Night, Deadly Night (cheese factor) Got to get a Christmas one on the list.  See Logan’s detailed review here.
• Killer Klowns from Outer Space (cheese factor/horror comedy)- Watch Instantly from Netflix
• The Wickerman (original)  Two words: Christopher Lee.
• Child’s Play (slasher) – Watch Instantly from Netflix - The series is really hit or miss but the first one is pretty solid.
• A Nightmare on Elm Street Series (slasher) – Most of these movies aren’t “good” per se, but they’re kind of required viewing of the genre.  The worthwhile entries are:
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street- Watch Instantly from Netflix
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
  • New Nightmare- Watch Instantly from Netflix
  • Freddy vs. Jason
• Friday the 13th Series (slasher) – Most are even worse than the Elm Street movies.  The first Friday the 13th is reasonably good and has a nice twist that everyone already knows.  And Freddy vs. Jason is actually pretty awesome (a highlight for both characters).  Also, despite Logan’s protests, I thought the Michael Bay produced remake was surprisingly good.  The others are only good for their comedic value.  Particularly…
  • Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter – Funny for not being the final chapter, and containing the antics of both Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover.
  • Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan – Hilarious for NOT taking place in Manhattan.
  • Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday – Watch Instantly from Netflix - Jason is killed when the FBI sets up a “sting” for him that consists of a naked chick in a cabin.  Then his demon possesses the black guy from X-Files.
  • Jason X – Jason IN SPACE!
• Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (horror comedy) – Now you’re ready for this one.  The horror comedy that becomes an actual horror movie as it goes along.

The teaser trailer for the upcoming sequel that nobody asked for Cars 2, is officially the first work from Pixar that has depressed me to no end.  Please announce in a few weeks that this was actually produced by Dreamworks:

What the hell is even going on here?!  Is this supposed to be some sort of Mission: Impossible spoof?  If so, you’re like a decade late on that, Pixar.  Oh, and I consider myself something of a fan of comedy, but can somebody PLEASE tell me what the joke is supposed to be?  Did I miss something (besides Cars 1 of course)?

Cars 2 will attack your good sense and wallet sometime next summer.  I’m sure it’ll be in 3D too, but c’mon, were you really planning on sending your kids to college?  I think not.