Critical End!

Okay, Bored to Death, what the hell?  I’ve given you like five episodes at this point and not only do you refuse to get good, you refuse to even acknowledge your premise.

Jason Schwartzman as neurotic Philip Marlowe = Comedy Gold.  So why does this show exploit none of the tropes of the genre its ostensibly riffing on?  Every episode is a boring Point A to Point B slog with almost no mystery.  It’s much more a male Sex in the City than anything else.  Ted Danson is pretty much the only reason I’m still watching, but if the series doesn’t deliver on the second half of its first two-parter this weekend, it’ll be time for me to give up and go back to waiting for Slackers 2.

Thank you, folks! Can I have some more money now?

Can somebody explain to me why The Simpsons DVDs just jumped from Season 12 to Season 20?  Does FOX really think that fans would rather have the current season first?  Personally, I stopped caring somewhere around season 10 (and we all know that the show really got raped by the panda during season 12), but I would still be interested to hear FOX’s reasoning behind this one.

This audio recording is being beamed directly into your brain with Jedi mind tricks.  REVIEWED: The Men Who Stare at Goats.  PLUS: Trailer talk, featuring Brothers.

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Oh, funny Owen Wilson, how I will miss you.  There was a time when you were co-writing critically acclaimed films like Bottle Rocket and Rushmore, then making me laugh while you kicked some ass in films like Shanghi Noon.  Now look at you: Voicing a CGI Marmaduke in the upcoming comic strip adaptation.  Sigh.  Maybe you’ve been spending too much time swimming nude with your buddy Woody Harrelson…or maybe it’s all of the pot.  Hmmm.  The pot would at least explain why you’ve had the same haircut since 1997.  Oh well.  Perhaps the death of your comedic talent is for the best.  It was either this or another Meet the Parents film, right?  Wait…you’re doing one of those as well?  Double sigh.

I leave you with what I SWEAR is today’s (November 5, 2009) Marmaduke comic.  I can only hope that the movie might feature slightly more timely comedy.

[via CHUD]

I was pretty sure the DirecTV commercial that zombified Chris Farley would be the head-scratchingest of the lot.  But apparently they dusted off Kim Basinger, and somehow convinced her to reprise her most famous role:  Honey Horneé from Wayne’s World 2.   I can’t find it on YouTube yet, though. So it may have just been a dream I had after one too many late night Dana Carvey marathons.   Blank Slate? Underrated.

UPDATE: Video added.

HE EATS BABIES, PEOPLE! When will you learn to shun him!

In a way, I’m glad that Sandler is apparently reversing his decision to go the way of Jim Carrey, filling the latter half of his career with maudlin “sad clown” roles a la Punch-Drunk Love and Funny People.  I would have hated for him to gain any degree of semi-legitimacy.  Although to be fair, Carrey, unlike Sandler, actually used to be funny.

What I’m getting at is the news that Sandler is set to star in Jack and Jill, a move in which he plays twins.  Named Jack and Jill.  And it’s a romantic comedy.

Beyond the inevitable Sandler-related factors (Jill will talk in a baby voice for some reason, Drew Barrymore will be put-upon but charmed), nothing more has leaked out about the plot.  But Sandler fans will surely hail this as a return to form, and give it a great opening weekend.

With that in mind, I’m getting the jump on my own “Nursery Rhyme Title as Raunchy Romantic Comedy” pitches.  Here’s a taste:

Old Mother Hubbard
When Dick Hubbard’s (Dane Cook) foul-mouthed grandmother dies during his annual visit,  Dick stumbles upon her will and is shocked to discover that she’s left all her money to a local animal charity.  If Dick wants his inheritance, he’ll have to pose as his own grandmother (with the help of his theater school pals) long enough to convince her lawyer to change the will.  It’s the perfect plan until the sexy and passionate director of the charity (Kristen Stewart) shows up to plead the animals’ case and get back on “grandma’s” good side!

What do you guys think?  I’ve also got a great poster for Little Jack Hornier…

[via Chud]

Logan and Ryan want to play a game.  A game where they talk about the Saw series as a whole without boring you with the details of any one installment.  Also there will be MURDER.

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Did you know that they’re making trailers for books now?  See for yourself:

I admit that this look great.  Pretty good effects for a book!  I can’t wait to see it…or read it…or whatever it is they want me to do.  I just hope that they didn’t ruin all of the best parts in the trailer.

What’s all this then?  Well, it’s our first video feature.  A Critical Quip, if you will.  In it, Logan and I have our way with the trailer for Solomon Kane.  Wanna see more stuff like this?  Let us know in the comments.

Listen, I promise I’ll stop talking about Community as soon as it becomes a huge hit and I’m forced to read intensely personal details about the entire casts life in every new issue of People.  Until then, if you ever needed a reason to watch it, I give you this nearly perfect comedy moment from the upcoming Halloween episode, featuring Chevy Chase as The Beastmaster.  Yes, you read that right.

The only thing that could even come remotely close to topping that?  Chevy and Joel insulting each other:

Thursdays at 8.  Be there.

Arnie Niekamp was once again kind enough to invite me on his podcast Stupid Nerd.  This time, Jason Chin and I get Arnie all caught up on the entire Friday the 13th series.

Get it from iTunes or hit play and listen below.

[gplayer href=”http://cdn4.libsyn.com/mysterycove/Stupid_Nerd_Friday_the_13th.mp3″][/gplayer]

Your pals at Critical End! would like to wish a super happy birthday to Sir Chevy Chase (we’ve knighted him in our own minds).  Can you believe the man is 66 today?!  Most people don’t know that Chevy didn’t become the household name that he is today until around his 32 birthday when he first started getting noticed on some show called NBC’s Saturday Night.  I wonder what ever happened to that forgotten gem?
Speaking of great moments in Chevy history, Ryan and I have listed our five all-time favorite Chevy films below.  In celebration of this special day, why not take a few hours to get reacquainted with one of the greatest comedians of all time?

Ryan’s Top Five Chevy Picks
1.  Caddyshack
2.  Three Amigos!
3.  Fletch
4.  National Lampoon’s Vacation
5.  National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

Logan’s Top Five Chevy Picks
1.  Caddyshack
2.  National Lampoon’s Vacation
3.  Fletch
4.  Three Amigos!
5.  Spies Like Us

And finally…news hit the web yesterday about a rumored fifth Vacation film from New Line Cinema.  However, I couldn’t find a single website that had a source on this, so I’ve decided to hold off reporting the “details” for now.  Just be aware that this could possibly exist outside of my dreams within the next few years.  More info to come.

Happy Chevy Chase Day, kids. 

Zombies.  Am I right?  I tell ya.  REVIEWED: Zombieland.  PLUS: Guess who’s still touring!

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Which is probably why I enjoyed this so much.