Critical End!

In a world where non-robot Bruce Willises are outlawed, only outlaws will be non-robot Bruce Willis.  REVIEWED: Surrogates PLUS: Sweet Valley High?

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Seriously, Avary? Logan goes and honors you by giving Rules of Attraction a prime spot on his Top 5 College Movies list and you go and throw it all away?  I even stood up for your Silent Hill adaptation when no one else would.  Bad form, sir.

[ComingSoon]

I’m not about to turn this into a book review website, but I will quickly say that Michael Ian Black’s My Custom Van and 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face is, without a doubt, one of the funniest books I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.  One essay in particular, entitled Taco Party, was so funny that I actually had to put the book down I was laughing so hard.  This has never happened.  I later found out that Black read this essay on several stops of the official book tour.  The thought of hearing him read this aloud is one thing, but imagining him reading this in a quiet bookstore or library with old ladies and kids around is even better.

Yesterday the publisher of the book, Simon and Schuster, uploaded a video of Black reading Taco Party, and I must say that it’s simply not to be missed.  I won’t tell you what it’s about, but I would recommend turning your speakers all the way up, especially if you’re at work or church. 

 

You can buy the paperback here.
 

Claws Up

• Jackie Earle Haley seems to be playing it pretty well.
• The bed levitation and claw-in-the-tub indicate they’re paying proper homage to the original.
• They’re bringing the nursery rhyme back, complete with creepy jump-roping girls.

Claws Down

• “From Producer Michael Bay”
• “It’s so hot in this fire!  I’d better take off my windbreaker and–BOOM!  Stripey shirt!”
• The implication that Freddy Krueger may be innocent.  Come on, he’s the bastard son of a thousand maniacs.
• The possibility that Freddy Krueger is going to talk like Slingblade the whole movie.

So what do you guys think?  Also, side note, this kid is making a career out of dying.

Bitchiness and bile abounds in CE!’s 30th show.  REVIEWED: Jennifer’s Body.  RETRO PICK: Hook.  PLUS: Zombie Patrick Swayze.

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Chevy Chase has returned to television in Community, and Logan and Ryan are ready to blather on about it.  But in the spirit of the Critical Hit, we keep it short.

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You could say that Li’l Logan was a freak for all things Pee-wee Herman.  Unfortunately, this unnatural love has followed me throughout the years…I currently own two t-shirts, a poster, the complete show on DVD and VHS, and the majority of my original Pee-wee’s Playhouse toys.  What can I say?  Girls dig me.

It also seems that I was a bit ahead of my time: Thanks to Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim and current shows like Blue’s Clues and SpongeBob Square Pants (both have acknowledged the influence of Pee-wee’s Playhouse), Paul Reubens has finally decided to bring his classic character back, starting with a revival of the original stage show.  Tickets and information can be found here.  Please remember that my birthday is coming up.

What’s that you say?  You can’t afford $50 tickets AND a trip to Los Angeles?  Well, it looks like you’ll just have to catch Pee-wee’s big primetime return on the September 22nd episode of The Jay Leno Show.  It’s free so you have no excuse, you cheap bastard.

Looks like a nor’easter.  Better take in the porch swing.  REVIEWED: Whiteout.  PLUS: Arnold Schwarzeneggar Can Do Christmas All By Himself.

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A little cross-promotion action for you, folks. Critical End’s Me (Ryan) recently made a guest appearance on Arnie Niekamp’s podcast Stupid Nerd.  Each week, Arnie interviews people about different nerdy subjects in order to expand his nerd knowledge.  This episode, he learns about vampire-themed LARPing, and while I’m not a LARPer, I am a huge nerd and had fun sitting in and learning (and occasionally cracking wise).

Check it out on iTunes or just play it below.

[gplayer href=”http://cdn4.libsyn.com/mysterycove/stupid_nerd_larping.mp3″][/gplayer]

Hey kids, this is just a friendly reminder to set those VCRs (seriously, does anybody do that any more?) and be sure to catch the series premiere of Community this Thursday at 9:30/8:30c.  Ryan and I will release a Critical Hit! of our thoughts soon after, and wouldn’t it be nice to actually know what we were talking about for once?

This is damn cool. Watch it fullscreen HD if you can.

The Cat Piano from PRA on Vimeo.

[Vimeo]

I think South Park said it best: “There’s a time and place for everything- and it’s called college.”  The following movies are the finest examples of why this statement is true.  They’re also insanely funny, highly quotable, and will hopefully remind you why it was worth the money you’re still paying on those student loans.

5.  National Lampoon’s Van Wilder (2002)
“Crazy kids with their crazy VDs.”
-Van Wilder
Allow me to be honest: National Lampoon’s Van Wilder has an incredibly weak script, a finale that revolves around lots of pooping, and the “acting” ability of one Ms. Tara Reid.  But you know what?  It’s easy to forget about all of that when you have Ryan “I swear I’m not Chevy Chase” Reynolds as your title character.  This was the role that finally brought him to Hollywood’s attention and it saves what otherwise would have been yet another straight to DVD National Lampoon film. 
Rating:   7 out of 10 

4.  National Lampoon’s Animal House (1978)
“Grab a brew.  Don’t cost nothin’.”
-Bluto
There’s really not much I can say about this film that you don’t already know.  If you went to college/been within 20 feet of a college/heard of the word “college” before, then you’ve most likely already seen this film more times than you care to mention.  What can I say?  It’s a classic.
Rating:   7 out of 10

3.  The Rules of Attraction (2002)
“He’s not OD-ing.  He’s a freshman.  Freshmen don’t OD.”
-Paul Denton
Chances are that you’ve never heard of Roger Avary, which is a shame.  Here’s what you don’t know: He’s the other guy who won the Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Pulp Fiction.  Yeah, he could have cashed in on the  Tarantino name for years to come, but he chose instead to take his career as a writer/director in a different direction when he adapted Bret Easton Ellis’ satirical 1987 novel. Unlike the other films on this list, this is not a college movie about the goofy guy with the wacky friends that gets the girl in the end…this is a film about the people you tried your best to avoid in college.  Oh, and as long as you’re not easily offended, it’s also damn funny.
 Rating:   8 out of 10    

2.  Slackers (2002)
“I like you.  I’ll probably give you a nickname.”
-Cool Ethan
I always thought that this would be one of those little seen comedies that would slowly build a large underground following, much like Office Space.  Seven years later (and a 4.8 average rating on IMDB) and I’m still wondering when it’s going to happen.  The biggest problem that people seem to have with this movie is that Jason Schwartzman is not acting like he’s in a Wes Anderson film.  Unlike Anderson, it’s obvious that the director of Slackers just let Schwartzman go nuts with the character.  That, combined with Critical End! fav Devon Sawa and a large cast of people you’ll recognize from the late 90’s, make this a must see.  Oh,and good luck getting this Schwartzman written closing tune out of your head:

Rating:   8 out of 10 

1.  Dead Man on Campus (1998)
“You can’t be suicidal if you’re singing show tunes!”
-Cooper
Looking back, it seems like it was one of those all too rare nights when the comedy gods were on my side: It was my second night of college life.  I was in an entirely new world surrounded by strange people and experiences which I was totally unprepared for…when suddenly this movie came on TV and taught me everything I would need to know about the next few years.  Simply put, Dead Man on Campus is the greatest film about college life ever made.  It’s one of those sneaky films that you’ll find yourself quoting for months after and wanting to watch again and again.  While the very funny and original script is to blame for much of this, it’s really hard to mention this movie without bringing up the fact that it should have launched Mark Paul Gosselaar’s post Saved by the Bell career.  This is definitely one of those “time and place” movies, the likes of which we may not see again for a long time.
Rating:   9 out of 10

Okay, now it’s your turn.  Agree?  Disagree?  Let me know what I missed.

We didn’t want to post this episode, but a 17 year old is controlling our actions.  REVIEWED: Gamer.  PLUS: Logan’s Yoko.

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Dead franchises and dead podcasts abound this week as Logan and Ryan look back on the Final Destination series while simultaneously looking back at themselves by way of rare archive recordings of the Final Destination episode of their old show, PodCorn. REVIEWED: The Final Destination and its ilk. PLUS: Weiners.

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Gotta love him.

Landis is finally returning to the big screen with the tale of Burke and Hare, two 19th century Irish murders that I recall reading about in this fantastic book. They killed people for the purpose of selling their cadavers to Edinburgh University, and although they got away with it for a year, they were fairly sloppy and obvious about it.

Lots of comic potential there, and I can’t think of anyone better suited to star than Simon Pegg who Landis has apparently secured for either Burke or Hare. No word yet on whether their going the obvious route and grabbing Nick Frost too, but I can’t say I’d be disappointed. Either way, this sounds like a perfect comeback movie for Landis.

[via /Film]