“Wow,” you think as you finish reading Ryan DiGiorgi’s January 3rd post at Criticalend.com, one of your favorite websites. “Ryan’s right. I shouldn’t feel guilty or out-of the-loop when my friends chastise me for not seeing some classic film. I have all the time in the world to enjoy a good movie.”
You take a sip of your latte and look around the coffee shop. It’s a beautiful day out, and although you heard that a storm or two may be moving in this weekend, it doesn’t dampen your spirits.  The would is full of people who would complain about things they can’t change, but Mr. DiGiorgi has reminded you to slow down, and not stress about what’s expected. You’ll get around to seeing Chinatown and Das Boot soon enough, but you’re done with the guilt. There’s plenty of time.Â
Sure, the kids make it hard to find the time to see a good movie, and let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger. And think about that homeless beggar you saw on the way into the shop: He’s definitely not seeing movies anymore.  I wonder if he ever saw Braveheart? Then there’s the blood pressure. Doc said that if you don’t start watching your diet, you could be nearing a massive heart attack. Or worse. I mean, what if you fell into an open manhole on the way home? You would never even get to see that last Indiana Jones flick! What was it called? Search for the Crystal Skull or something like that? You heard it was lame, but you’ve seen the others. Wouldn’t you feel like a real knucklehead if you knew all of your friends and family were talking about it at your funeral…
And what’s up with that businessman across from you at the coffee shop?! He left his briefcase on the table and walked off almost fifteen minutes ago! Who does that? Now that you think about it, he did seem a bit out of the ordinary, didn’t he? Why, he could be some sort of Islamic extremist and that very well could be a small nuke ready to blow at any second! And to think: Stand by Me was on TV the other night and you turned it off.
It’s easy for people with reasonably fictional names like “Ryan DiGiorgi” or “Edgar Wright” to sit around and talk about how it’s never too late to see a movie, but you know better than that. It may already be too late.
Happy New Year, folks. I was sitting here trying to think up a post worthy of kicking off 2011. At the same time I was listening to Edgar Wright on Kevin Smith’s filmmaker podcast and he said something I really loved: It’s never too late to see a movie.
Wright told the story of a fan who had just seen Scott Pilgrim on DVD and apologized to him for having not seen it in theaters. You may recall that movie didn’t do so hot at the box office. Wright told him he was just happy he’d seen it. He then recalled hosting a screening of Evil Dead II and asking how many people in the audience hadn’t seen it before. The few that raised their hands got booed by the rest, but Wright shut them up by reminding them how amazing it must be to be see that movie for the first time in a theater full of hundreds of fans. It’s never too late to see a movie.
In college, I found out a friend of mine hadn’t seen Psycho. My first instinct was to chide her. I mean, that’s sheer cultural unawareness. But I was stunned when she added that she didn’t even know how it ended. She’d somehow lived more than twenty years without having the identity of Norman Bates’s mother ruined for her. Never heard it discussed, seen a parody, nothing. My sense of superiority flipped instantly to envy. I’d seen Psycho, but I’d never had the opportunity to experience it with a truly blank slate. She eventually saw it, and enjoyed it in a way that I would never be able to duplicate for myself.
Logan and I certainly haven’t seen everything. A big part of Critical End is having the excuse to watch more movies, old and new, constantly filling the gaps in our cinematic knowledge. I started writing a post about the shame I associate with my own gaps, and how my New Year’s resolution was to atone for my sins. But Edgar Wright just reminded me to relax. I’ll get around to all those films soon enough, but I’m done feeling guilty about them. It’s never too late to see a movie.
Incidentally, Schindler’s List? Haven’t seen it. But I think this is the year.
Apologies. I wanted to post something meaningful today, but then I got caught up watching this clip of Duke Nukem singing Elvis while smashing chucks of ice and delivering one killer drum solo.
All kidding aside, this really should have been how The Expendables ended.
You know how every Pixar film in theaters opens with a nifty little short? I’ve always thought of it as a great throwback to film going days of old, while also enjoying the little extra bit of Pixar I’m getting for my buck. I especially enjoyed Day & Night, the short before Toy Story 3, although the teenagers in front of me seemed to be wondering if they were in the wrong theater.
Pixar tweets are beginning to flow like crazy now that we’re getting closer to (collective moan) Cars 2, and they all seem to hint towards the same thing: The film will open with the first of several Toy Story character epilogue shorts. While this seems like a fun thought at first (and a great way to trick people like me into seeing Cars 2), I hope that this doesn’t cheapen what I thought was a great ending to a very fun trilogy. Then again, this is Pixar, and I’m sure they’ll bring us nothing but the finest. Like Cars 2, for example.
The first short is called Hawaii, and will feature Barbie and Ken. As long as they bring back favs Michael Keaton and Jodi Benson, I’m sure it’ll be awesome.
After seeing this, I’ll take back some of the ill words I had for it a few weeks back, but not all.Â
I stand by my statement that Seth Rogan is a terrible voice casting choice. He’s too “I’m really a formally fat Jewish guy” to sound alien. And speaking of voice work, we live in an age where we no longer need trailers read to to us by some fancy voice guy…so why hire one just to read “Paul”? And finally: Nick Frost was not allowed to talk in this trailer.  He charges extra for that.
Finally home from my holiday festivities, and I’ve come baring gifts. Check out the teaser for Kevin Smith’s religious-themed horror film Red State.
Even though this tells us next to nothing, I’m pretty interested. Granted, I’m a Kevin Smith fan, and I’m anxious to see what he can do in this new genre, but casting a crazy priest as your villain seems pretty original to me. I’m probably REALLY wrong about that, so feel free to post links to all the other crazy priest movies in the comments.
Merry Festival of the Bells, folks! Like Logan said, it’s a short week. We wanted to get you guys the Tron/Tron Legacy show today, but holiday travel and technical difficulties intervened. We’ll have it for you next Wednesday, and, if all goes well, True Grit the week after that. It’s a Very Jeff Bridges Christmas.
Speaking of, here’s a bit of Tron to tide you over. The well-remembered 1982 Tron Holiday Special from Funny or Die.
It’s nearly Christmas here at the Critical End! HQ. I’m hanging decorations in my best Clark Griswold style, while Ryan is having his usual charitable event, “Make Out with Ryan for 5 Bucks”.*
Click to download just in time for Christmas!
Anyway, because of the upcoming holiday, we wanted to let you know that this will be something of a short week for the site. No podcast this week, however, we will post one more story tomorrow, most likely something about how rad Chevy Chase is and how lame Judd Apatow is. After that, you’re on your own, Timmy.
We’ll return to the usual schedule the week after Christmas, with our TRON podcast. See you all back here then!Â
*Reserve your place now! Last year Ryan raised over $5.00 for “Ryan’s Angels”, a charity that helps girls ages 18 to 25 win a dream date with Ryan.
I tell ya, this Spider-Man musical, huh? Am I right? The shakily-reviewed, fan-maligned, still unreleased Broadway debut of your friendly neighborhood wall-crawler has been delayed once again. Â So what’s the deal this time? Â More horrifying wrist injuries? Â No, apparently, one of the main issues is that preview audiences have had a tough time following what the hell is going on.
/Film says that producers “have decided that the second act, which is where the show strays from the classic Spider-Man mythology, is unclear and needs to be tinkered with.”  So, first, great job fucking up the story of one of the most recognizable characters in popular fiction to such a degree that it’s not only disappointing, but flat out incomprehensible.
Second, if the whole point of a musical is to tell a story through music, I’m going to guess that the droning, generic contributions of Bono and THE EDGETM probably aren’t cutting it. Not a surprise, based on what we’ve already seen. C’mon, that could be a song about literally anything. What does it tell us about Spider-Man?
Luckily, Batman swoops in to the save the day. Not that probably-also-shitty Batman musical they’re cooking up. I’m talking about Christian Bale himself. Check out this interview where he actually starts to sing a song from Newsies. Sure, he stops after only two words, but it still made my day. Plus he transitions in the Powerpuff Girls theme for some reason, which is amazing in its own right. Any father who exposes his daughter to an excellent cartoon that’s been off the air for six years is a great dad in my book.
Wow, 2010. You’re really turning out to be a bad year for celebrity deaths. Leslie Nielsen, Tom Bosley,  Kevin McCarthy, Dennis Hopper, Doug Fieger, Peter Graves…and now Blake Edwards.
While he hasn’t been very active since the final Pink Panther film in 1993, I remember being thrilled to see him up to his old tricks again at the Oscars in 2004. The moment is one of the few fond memories I have of the Oscars over the past ten years, and is definitely worth seeing again, despite the scary, bald, and mostly annoying Jim Carrey.
Every Christmas for the past six years I’ve had a chance to eat dinner, play pool, or just hang out with Chevy Chase. And have I done it? No. I mean, I’m a clinically obsessed Chevy fan. Shouldn’t I be first in line to make all sorts of Caddyshack II references during a game of billiards with Ty Webb himself?*
I would if I had $3,250.
That’s the current going rate on this years 7th Annual Chevy Chase Green School Auction. That $3,250 is kind of cheap when you consider that it’s for brunch with the Griswold’s themselves, Chevy and Beverly D’angelo. The description promises even more wacky fun:
You will be a part of all the laughs and personal anecdotes (without the disasters!) from this hilarious pair as you are treated to a delectable brunch in the Griswold style!Â
I’m not sure what the “Griswold style” is, but COUNT. ME. IN. I assume it means Chevy will spill stuff all over me, trip the waiter by accident, and Ethan Embry may show up only because he needs the work. All of this is worth way more than $3,250.
It’s only one of several things Chevy has talked his pals into doing this year for charity. See the rest of the list here, and start buying for me now! My personal favorite is a chance to hang out with Chevy and the cast of Community on the set. Only $1,000 right now?! That’s cheap!
*I tried to find the billiard scene in question on YouTube, but alas, I guess everybody hates Caddyshack II. Anyway, it’s worth watching just to see Chevy’s excellent shtick.
Back in June, you may recall us posting the first promotional shot from the upcoming Hugh Jackman “film” Real Steel, or as Dreamworks is referring to it, Real Steal.Â
Yeah, yeah. I know that’s a terrible joke, but check out this trailer.  Dreamworks is practically reaching into my pocket and taking money from me. The only believable line in the entire trailer is Jackman yelling “Let’s make some money!”, because, let’s face it, that’s exactly what this film is going to do. I don’t quite think we’re talking about the next Avatar here, but perhaps Transformers for sure. Sigh.
Not a ton going down today, but remember that new CG animated Road Runner short WB was working on? Well here it is (in full this time), and you don’t have to suffer through some terrible Cats & Dogs movie to see it.
I dig it. It hit all the right beats, had me laughing out loud, then got out quickly. And it reminded me of Tangled, in that it was produced with CG, but was obviously tailored to look like its hand-drawn source material. Nice going, WB. Let’s see more where this came from, hopefully in front of better movies than Cats & Dogs.
Sure, the kids make it hard to find the time to see a good movie, and let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger. And think about that homeless beggar you saw on the way into the shop: He’s definitely not seeing movies anymore.  I wonder if he ever saw Braveheart? Then there’s the blood pressure. Doc said that if you don’t start watching your diet, you could be nearing a massive heart attack. Or worse. I mean, what if you fell into an open manhole on the way home? You would never even get to see that last Indiana Jones flick! What was it called? Search for the Crystal Skull or something like that? You heard it was lame, but you’ve seen the others. Wouldn’t you feel like a real knucklehead if you knew all of your friends and family were talking about it at your funeral…
