Critical End!

Ghost or no ghost? Let’s go to the video tape… REVIEWED: Paranormal Activity, Paranormal Activity 2. PLUS: Quack quack!

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The teaser trailer for the upcoming sequel that nobody asked for Cars 2, is officially the first work from Pixar that has depressed me to no end.  Please announce in a few weeks that this was actually produced by Dreamworks:

What the hell is even going on here?!  Is this supposed to be some sort of Mission: Impossible spoof?  If so, you’re like a decade late on that, Pixar.  Oh, and I consider myself something of a fan of comedy, but can somebody PLEASE tell me what the joke is supposed to be?  Did I miss something (besides Cars 1 of course)?

Cars 2 will attack your good sense and wallet sometime next summer.  I’m sure it’ll be in 3D too, but c’mon, were you really planning on sending your kids to college?  I think not.

This is some serious shit, folks.  Ever since Telltale announced that Christopher Lloyd would reprise the role of Doc Brown (in voiceover) for the new Back to the Future videogame, nerds have been waiting with bated breath to hear who’d play Marty.  They’ve secured the likeness of Michael J. Fox, but presumably he’s not well enough to actually play the role.  

Enter AJ LoCascio. He sent Telltale an mp3 of himself doing Marty and it was so good they gave him the job. Drop everything and check out the video below. It’s about as flawless as anyone could hope for. Even Bob Gale says so. I think I’m officially out of things to worry about, this game is going to be brilliant.

Pic shamelessly stolen from itslikethiscat.tumblr.com

Well, that’s about it, I’m betting.  Mad Men delivered its season finale last Sunday and I’m willing to guess it was the swan song for our favorite li’l psychopath Glen Bishop.

Last time on GlenWatch, I regaled you with the tale of Glen and Sally’s secret meetings.  When Betty discovered the two, she decided it was finally time for the family to move.  I thought this might be the cue for Glen to go full-on bonkers, but it turns out he’s handling it pretty well.  He showed up to the house when Betty was out and said goodbye to Sally who promised to send him postcards.  Betty came back just in time to be furious that he was there, and for Glen to wisely point out “Just because you’re sad, doesn’t mean everybody has to be.”  Then he walked out the door and out of the series.

He could be back, I suppose.  I’d certainly love it.  But if I know this show, he won’t be.  I see now that Glen existed to show us how crazy-go-nuts Betty is (she fired Carla the kindly housekeeper for letting Glen in) and now he’s off to return to his home planet.  It was a good run of creepiness, kids, but we’re going to have to do without Glen for now.

Feel free to post your favorite Glen moments in the comments.  And let’s cross our fingers that Don’s secretary-turned-wife will fill the awkwardness gap next season.

Guess who's single, ladies!

Wait, so Mel Gibson is going to have a cameo as a tattoo artist in The Hangover 2?*  What happened to moving back to Australia with his ex-wife and fighting wild dingoes?**  Will Gibson manage to once again sneak another comeback by us?***  Will he hopefully punch Zach Galifianakis in the face?****  And will I ever run out of goofy Mel Gibson photos to run?***** 

* It’s true.
** I made that last part up.
*** My guess?  Yes.  Yes, he will.
****Speaking of Galifianakis…
*****Nope:

Still single! Anyone? Hello?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the state of comedy:

Yes, you are looking at the first picture of Adam Sandler as “Jill” from the upcoming romantic comedy Jack and Jill that we first told warned you about back here.  Clearly, this film will be the height of comedy…in 1998.

Welcome to an alternative 1985:

Needless to say, this is a clip of Eric Stoltz as Marty from the upcoming 25th anniversary Back to the Future Blu-ray release.  Kinda creepy, huh?

Some tech weirdness going on today.  I think we’re stable for now, but you may see a bug or two over the next couple days until we can sort everything out.  Thanks for your patience, and enjoy this profoundly disturbing animated gif!

"Oh, hey, by the way, MURDER!"

Perhaps you thought I forgot about the promise I made to keep you abreast of any and all activities related to Glen Bishop of Mad Men fame.  Not so!  He just hasn’t shown up for ages, having disappeared into the B character wormhole I mentioned in my last post.  But he was back this week with a vengeance.

Well, not a vengeance so much.  Actually the creepiness quotient was pretty tame.  To be fair, it’d be hard to top the knife-waving, house-trashing, awkward-phone-calling antics that he’s already brought this season.  They probably should have spread that out a little.  But that’s not to say it was a total wash.

Apparently, Glen’s a chunky football player now.  He spends the whole episode hanging out in his jersey like a big shot.  I presume his mom finally got him into sports to teach him social skills, which is too bad because it’s severely mellowed his serial killer vibe.  The good news?  He spends the whole episode hanging out with Sally!  It appears that this disturbing relationship is totally on!  He offers her cigarettes as well as the “backwash” of his Coke!  Their chats focus mostly on Sally (Fun Fact: Sally Draper does not believe in heaven), but Glen does let his true colors shine through with more than a few catty remarks about how much he hates Betty.

I couldn't find any pics from the episode. So, here's Joan. Because I love you all.

Just to reiterate, Glen is putting the moves on the daughter of the woman he was dangerously obsessed with.  By way of regular picnics on an eerie dead lawn.  He’s still in the game, folks.  The climax occurs when Betty catches them together.  Sadly, Glen doesn’t demand that Sally run away with him, or light anyone on fire, as I was hoping.  He just runs off crying.

Back at the house, Sally tries to convince Betty that Glen’s not so bad.  She responds “I know him better than you do” which I think officially makes Betty more unhinged than Glen.  The whole thing ends with Betty telling the new husband that she wants to move, causing Sally to run upstairs and cry into the little braided knife decoration thing that Glen gave her.

We are at a critical point here, folks.  Things are coming to a head.  Glen’s next appearance will either escalate him to new levels of glorious insanity (Poisoning the dog?  Kidnapping Sally?  Menacing Betty with a gun he found under his mom’s pillow?) or see his character fizzle away like so many others have on this show just before they would have become really interesting.  I DEMAND SATISFACTION!  Write your congressmen, people.  MORE CRAZY GLEN!

Did you watch any of the new episodes of Futurama?  I ended up hearing mixed things.  Ryan liked it.  Some fat guy I carpool with hated it.  But the feeling I got from most people was sort of a “I could care less” vibe. 

Now you can care less on DVD and Blu-ray starting in December.  According to IGN, Futurama Vol.5, the first set to contain the new episodes, is heading your way on December 21st.  This is (barely) just in time for X’mas, which is great news as it means I don’t have to pay for something that may very well end up sucking.  

Oh, and IGN is also telling me that the set is going to “span two discs”.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t the other sets have four or five?  Was the new season really that short?  Hmmm.

Compliment or complain about the new Futurama season in our comment section below.

"You want it post-converted when?"

In an extraordinarily rare show of common sense, WB has decided NOT to release part one of the final Harry Potter film in 3D, because they “were unable to convert the film in its entirety and meet the highest standards of quality.”  So they ran out of time, which isn’t exactly like saying “there was no reason for this to be in 3D in the first place” but I’ll take it.  Hollywood’s no stranger to rushed 3D conversion jobs, so it’s nice someone finally had the guts to put the kibosh on one.  That doesn’t mean part two won’t be in 3D, however, so you’ll still be able to enjoy the magical wonder that slightly increased depth of field will bring to Ron Weasley’s hair.

[Via Screened]

“The best advice I can give you about falling is to never land.”
-Chevy Chase, 2010

Yes, it’s that time of year again.  Your pals at Critical End! would like to wish the happiest of birthdays to our dear friend Dr. Chevy Chase (he’s a doctor of being awesome).  Today he turns 67, folks.  67!  Can you believe that?!  It seems like only yesterday that he was reminding Danny to take drugs, bribing Frank Oz to let him cheat on an exam, and making a movie with either Benji or Goldie Hawn.

So, what has Chevy learned in those 67 years?  Only how to steal our hearts!  Oh, and some practical stuff too…practically funny stuff that is!  Okay, I’ll stop now and let Chevy speak for himself in this wonderful Esquire article from last month, Chevy Chase: What I’ve Learned.

Happy Birthday, Chevy.

Director Adam Green with Hatchet's Victor Crowley.

Although I don’t have an AMC theater in my neighborhood, I was excited to hear that they had agreed to start showing “Unrated” movies.  This is really something that’s overdue in the film community, as most filmmakers will tell you that the MPAA is basically a big joke run by Hollywood bullies (Case in point: This Film is Not Yet Rated and Matt and Trey’s battle with the MPAA over the South Park movie).

And now it looks like they’ve struck again…maybe.  Mere days after opening last Friday, AMC pulled Adam Green’s Hatchet II, and nobody seems to know why.  AMC released a statement saying, “At AMC theaters, we review all films in all of our theatres every week and then make our business decisions based on their performance.”  Gee, that’s nice and all, but do they realize that they didn’t even let this movie play for a week?  Writer/Director/Awesome Guy Adam Green stepped in with the most logical explanation: The MPAA is out to get him.

“All signs would point to AMC being unhappy with how vocal I was about the MPAA and not wanting to deal with the controversy- which if the case, is their given right. Had the film grossed millions, maybe it would be a different story with them,” he said in an early statement.  If true, this makes me pretty mad.  I’m not going to sit here and type a long rant about how corrupt the MPAA, mainly because it’s all been said before by people who are far more articulate than myself, but I will say this: Fuck you, MPAA.

via CHUD

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