Critical End!

I’m sure my friends are glad that the Emmys have come and gone, as now they no longer have to hear me talk about what a shame it is that none of the Community cast got nominated.  So, what was the cast of the best new show of last season doing instead of sitting in the Emmy audience waiting to hear their name called?  Doing car commercials.

But wait!  It was no where near as bad as it sounds.  I actually rather liked it…or perhaps I was just really in need of a Community fix until the new season starts.  See for yourself:

And as not to load this post down with with videos, here’s the links to part two and three on YouTube.  New season starts September 23rd!

Sandler on the set of his comedic remake of "Taxi Driver". Suri Cruise is playing the Jodie Foster part.

Remember last year when we heard that Adam Sandler would play both Jack and Jill in a romantic comedy of the same name?    That’s still a thing.  I’ve learned from I Watch Stuff that Katie Holmes is being groomed for the role of Jack’s wife, which at least means we can all thank God that Sandler will not be shamelessly wooing himself on film.

But the real tragedy here is that while Jack and Jill is an actual multi-million dollar film, my pitch for the Dane Cook vehicle Old Mother Hubbard (Dane Cook must disguise himself as his own grandmother while still trying to score with the chick from Twilight) is still languishing in development hell!  By which I mean Peter Segal hasn’t called me back yet.  So I’ve decided that every time I read another stupid piece of news about Jack and Jill, I’ll churn out another “Nursery Rhyme Title as Raunchy Romantic Comedy” premise.  Eventually, Hollywood’s sure to snap one up.  Here’s my latest:

Peter Peter
Jonah Hill stars as college senior Peter Peter.  He’s about to graduate and he still hasn’t got up the nerve to ask out the hottest girl on campus (played by whoever almost wins this season of The Bachelor).  His love life isn’t helped by his terrible allergy to pumpkin, which–instead of giving him a rash or killing him–causes him to launch involuntarily into a series of hilarious, and often racist, character voices.  When the hotty dares him to eat 100 pumpkin pies before graduation, with a night of passion as the prize, Peter’s got no choice but to grab the Cool Whip and hope his uncontrollable alter egos don’t get him into too much trouble!

Done.  Money in the bank.

Adam Green’s Hatchet was no work of art, but it completely delivered the “Old School American Horror” that the posters promised.  I left the theater thinking Green could be the next Eli Roth, and started wishing for a whole slew of quickly made Hatchet sequels, a la the Friday the 13th films in the ’80’s.

Three years and a few decent films later, Green is finally granting my wish.  And while the teaser trailer for Hatchet II spends most of it’s time reviewing the first film, I have to admit that I’m still very excited.  Let’s hope that this gets a wide enough release so I can catch it in theaters.

Remember Norm Macdonald?  He’s that guy who got fired from SNL for being funny, made two very awesome but unsuccessful films, then somehow ended up starring in his own sitcom on ABC.  Only in America, kids.

Although I haven’t seen it since it originally aired, The Norm Show (later renamed Norm), was must-see-TV for high school Logan.  The reason it worked was, quite simply, because it didn’t work.  Norm Macdonald was always the first person to point out that he couldn’t act.  He was also one of the most uncreative comedians around, often labeling things exactly how they looked (hence “Wiener Dog” as the name of his wiener dog).  Norm Macdonald had no business being on primetime, network television…but this is what made the show so awesome.

Shout! Factory, which I seriously cannot stop saying amazing things about, recently announced plans to release the complete Norm Show on DVD, which I find both exciting and scary.  Exciting because I remember loving this show and scary because I’m secretly afraid it’s not going to hold up.  But then again, there’s this clip, which alone is worth at least half of the $45 Amazon pre-order price.

Anybody else remember this show?  Thoughts?

Are you aware that we live in a world where a film like Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, arguably one of the funniest and most creative films of the year, bombs at the box office, while Vampires Suck opens as a certified hit?  What’s wrong with people?

I also find this surprising as I was under the impression that the Twilight series was already funny enough.  I mean, why bother with a spoof when the material being spoofed is funnier?  Case in point: Breaking Dawn.  Sure, it’s not even out yet, but if it ends up anything at all like the book, we’re looking at what might possibly be THE BEST WORST FILM EVER.  Ryan and I discussed it back in this podcast, but here’s the quick version in case you missed it:

I don’t think I’ve talked about Mad Men on the blog before, primarily due to my unspoken agreement with Logan to deny the existence of any television show that doesn’t feature Chevy Chase.  I’m breaking that streak today to discuss the most surprisingly compelling character of this season: Glen Bishop.

I enjoy Mad Men, but it’s frustratingly disorganized in its storytelling.  It doesn’t really have story arcs, so much as vague themes.  Characters may get tons of screen time for several episodes, only to disappear completely without warning.  Whatever happened to Joan’s closeted lesbian roommate?  Are we ever going to see Sal again?  And where the hell has Betty Draper been this season?  Until recently, I thought Glen Bishop had evaporated as well.  But before we discuss the present, let’s take a look back to when we first met the little scamp:

Glen is the young son of Helen Bishop, a divorced single mother who lives in the Draper’s neighborhood.  When Helen’s babysitter falls through, she guilts Betty into watching Glen for the evening.  While Betty is using the bathroom, Glen walks in on her (quite on purpose) and proceeds to stare at her until she’s able to get the door closed.  Betty confronts him about it.  He cries and apologizes.  So far, Glen’s kinda weird.  But, hey, he’s a lonely, sexually curious nine-year-old.  Give him a break.

Then he asks for a lock of Betty’s hair.  So, ya know…we’re getting into creepy town now.  He tells her that he wants it because she’s like a princess.  Of course, because Betty Draper is pretty unhinged herself, she ends up giving it to him.  It’s a neat scene because not only do you get to watch this really messed up little kid, you also realize how lonely Betty herself must be to oblige him.

Glen disappears for a bit after that, then shows up again when his mother finds the lock of hair and tells Betty to keep away from her son.  Later, the two meet by chance in a parking lot where Betty breaks down and admits how isolated she is, causing Glen to tenderly (and SUPER creepily) comfort her by saying that he wishes he were older.

Eventually, he runs away from home and hides in the Draper’s doghouse, explaining to Betty that he’s come to rescue her, and that the two can run away together.  It’s clear now, even to Betty, that this kid is damaged.  She calls his mom.  He views it as the ultimate betrayal, and tells Betty he hates her.  So ends their affair.  Glen fades into the ether, never to be seen or mentioned again.

Until now!  Oh yes, friends.  This season opened with the Draper kids (now the Francis kids after Betty’s divorce) bumping into Glen while Christmas tree shopping.  But this time he’s only got stalker-eyes for young Sally.  In a way this is a step up, since she’s actually his age.  In another way, it’s kind of like a psycho ex-lover showing up to menace the family of the one who spurned him.

And we’re in luck, Glen fans.  Our boy has discovered exciting new ways to be unnerving.  Every scene he’s in explodes with awkwardness!  He shows Sally his menacing pocket knife, chats about divorce in a detached monotone,  calls her up in the middle of the night, and–in his Glenniest move yet–breaks into the Francis home and wrecks the shit out of it,  leaving only Sally’s room intact.

And then…nothing again.  He’s been absent for the last three episodes.  C’mon, Mad Men, what’s up with this kid?  Is he using Sally as a creepy surrogate for her mom?  Is he a serial killer in the making?  Is he going to have a seen with Don where the two hash things out over scotch?  What is Glen’s deal!

To make matters weirder, Glen is played by Marten Weiner, son of the show’s creator, who presumably looked at his son one day and said “This kid is so quietly shudder-inducing, America will be helpless to look away!”  Maybe that at least means he won’t be forgotten like all those other great side characters.

Either way, you guys can count on me to keep you updated on the creepy exploits of Glen Bishop from here on out.  Unless those exploits involve him appearing outside my bedroom window with his father’s hunting rifle.  By the time I learn of that exploit, it will be far too late for me.

Thanks to the Mad Men Wiki for jogging my memory.  Also check AMC’s blog for an interview with the surprisingly well-adjusted Marten Weiner.

At a certain point, I begin to wonder if being a guy who has hated almost everything Wes Craven does but still continues to follow his work for some reason, is any different from being his biggest fan.  Maybe I’m just kidding myself?  Or is that killing myself!

Anyway, he’s actually directing again!  Check out the trailer for My Soul to Take. The original title was 25/8, but presumably Craven couldn’t get funding for that many eighths. It’s pretty much your standard slasher, with the twist that one of the kids may be the reincarnated spirit of the murderer.  Kind of a neat idea.  I wonder how he’ll screw it up.

[via I Watch Stuff]

This week, Dolph Lundgren battles Randy Couture’s seven evil exes while Michael Cera invades Guatemala.  Where was Carl Weathers?  REVIEWED: The Expendables, Scott Pilgrim. PLUS: We earn our “explicit” rating.

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It appears that ol’ wacky pants Mel Gibson is at it again.  EXTRA is reporting that this time he crashed his car into a hillside in Malibu last Sunday night.  According to CHP Public Information Officer Leland Tang, “Gibson told officers in the field he did not know how the car drifted out of the lane and into the hillside.” 

Gibson then went on to claim that he also didn’t know who made all of those calls to Oksana Grigorieva, where babies came from, or just what the hell a CHP Public Information Officer is exactly.

Gibson was heading home after a fishing trip in Fiji with his two sons after judging a Miss Thunderdome competition in Bartertown.

But only long enough to draw your attention to this video.  Pretty well encapsulates why I tend to prefer my couch these days.

A few days back, Netflix signed a five year deal worth nearly 1 billion buckaroos to assure that the majority of their users will never leave home again.

Yes, starting September 1st, Netflix will begin streaming films from Paramount, Lionsgate, and MGM.  What does this mean to you?  Well, first off, you’ll finally get around to seeing Saw V.  Second, you’ll now be able to blow an entire weekend watching every James Bond film.  But most importantly, you’re going to be reminded why you have Netflix in the first place: Because that guy down at the video store makes fun of you for the movies you rent.  Not to your face…but you hear the laughing.  Oh, do I ever. You think you’re so funny, don’t you, Steve?  Well, laugh while you can, because soon it will be I who is laughing at you.

Anyway, we’re still going to have to wait 90 days on all new releases to hit the ol’ “Watch Instantly” queue, but with the amazing back-catalog of films that these studios have, there should be plenty to pass the time.  And I’m sure Netflix will make it’s $1 billion back in no time with all of the new users they get from this.  We’re talking mucho dinero, and probably some American money too.

via Yahoo!

FOX 5 News out of Atlanta was lucky enough to score an interview with both Jason Schwartzman and Michael Cera as they were traveling the country promoting Scott Pilgrim vs the World.  Honestly, I could care less what they said about the film.  What I really want to hear them talk about is the weather in Atlanta.

A million points to the FOX 5 News team for allowing this to happen.  I just hope nobody in Atlanta needed to know what the actual weather was like that day.

Just add Jason Lee and call it a day. Hollywood can’t stop turning old cartoons and comics into flesh-and-blood talkin’ pictures.

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Little known fact: Before they hit the big time with CriticalEnd.com, Logan Lee and Ryan DiGiorgi served as presidents of the Boy Meets World fan club at their high school.  Sure, the hours were long, the pay meager, and the nights dateless, but they had a dream: To spread their love of the TGIF show to the masses by acting out a full episode every Friday during lunch hour.  Many love it, but most just thought they were gay.

A decade after it left the air, Boy Meets World is still one of the few shows not to see a full release on DVD.  A few years back, Disney, who then owned the rights under ABC, released seasons 1 to 3 to mostly lackluster sales.  Season 4 (the first season where the show really became aware of itself, thus funnier) was given a street date and even box art, but then dropped shortly after.  Disney finally realized that they could make more money by selling the show to another company.

And so Lionsgate ended up owning the complete Boy Meets World catalog.  Yes, we’re talking about the same Lionsgate that built it’s empire around the Saw films.  For a while nothing happened, but then a few months ago Lionsgate announced a re-release of seasons 1 to 3 (long out of print), and just a few days ago posted on Twitter a possible release date for the long awaited season 4.  Let’s hope they get around to the rest soon.

So what does all of this mean to you?  Nothing unless you’re a big fan of the show, or one of those people who won’t be happy until everything is on DVD or Blu-Ray.  Or you’re gay.  I’m just a fan, that’s all.  Swear. 

*shifty eyes*

There is a distinct possibility that I may have this framed above my bed.