Know what? I hate this show. That's right, I said it.
Since when did not liking Glee apparently make you homophobic? Can’t we just not like Glee because it’s not a good show? I’m sure you heard about the whole Victoria Jackson comment a few weeks back, but it now seems that one of my favorite authors, Bret Easton Ellis, is joining her.  E! is reporting that Ellis tweeted the following last week:
I like the idea of Glee but why is it that every time I watch an episode I feel like I’ve stepped into a puddle of HIV?
Yeah yeah. Think what you will, but here’s the deal: It doesn’t matter how you say it, you can’t say anything bad about Glee. In fact, if you’re a celebrity who wants some free press, all you really need to do is say anything remotely insulting about Glee. With this in mind, I’ve prepared the following statement which is sure to get me written up in all the supermarket mags! Hang on, ‘cos here we go! Ahem…
Hi, I’m Logan Lee of www.criticalend.com. That’s one word. Guess what? I can’t stand Glee! Boy howdy what a terrible show! Watching Glee reminds me of the time that I almost drank a gallon of AIDS. For what it’s worth, I actually thought it was a bottle of Berry Blast PowerAde, but than I realized that the word “power” was no where to be found on the label, and also that the “Ade” in “PowerAde” is spelled different. Also, it wasn’t blue which should have been the most noticeable difference. AIDS is more of a peach color, I think. Whatever the case may be, it reminded me of watching Glee, a show that I don’t like watching. Oh! Another thing that reminds me of Glee is the time when I was eight and I called a black kid a “jerk” on the playground. Mind you, it had nothing to do with the fact that he was black, but because he was playing Leonardo, my favorite Ninja Turtle, leaving me to be Raphael, who nobody wanted to be. What a jerk, right? Anyway, that name once again is Logan Lee. Did you get all of that? Good. Well, I’m off to rehab!
As a casual Star Trek fan, I started watching this SFW trailer for the porn parody out of mild interest. I did not expect to actually be sucked in by the PLOT of a porn. And if you ignore the goofy facial hair and budget Klingon makeup, the production values are actually crazy high! Like, higher than some of the early episodes of the show it’s mimicking. The team was clearly full of Trekkies who put a lot of (hot, steamy) love into their work.
And you’re telling me they get naked too? I AM SO THERE.
No podcast today, folks, but check back next Wednesday for our extensive look at the Scream series, including Scream 4. Until then, let’s have a look at some Britishy trailers, starting with Dan Radcliffe in ghost story The Woman in Black.
Obviously it’s a teaser, so there’s not much to see. But I hear great things about the book so my hopes are high. Just like they are for the new season (or “series”) of Doctor Who.
Ryan first broke the news of the goofy new Wonder Woman costume here. It seems that enough online nerds complained that the producers realized it was time for a last minute fix. Hence, the change:
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So, what’s new exactly? As you can tell by her face, she’s now clearly on the rag.
I recall high school Logan and Ryan getting very excited to hear that a script was in the works for a third Bill and Ted movie. This is only one of several reasons why we never got dates to the prom. However, years go by and people change. We got sexier and richer while all of our cool, good looking high school chums got ugly, poor, and drafted. According to Facebook, I see that most of the girls who turned us down for prom are now turning tricks on the south side of Detroit. Take that, you ho-bags. What was I writing about today? Oh yeah. It seems that Bill and Ted 3 is a thing again. MTV news was interviewing Keanu Reeves about his new beard or something, and he said the following:
“When we last got together, part of it was that Bill and Ted were supposed to have written the song that saved the world, and it hasn’t happened. So they’ve now become kind of possessed by trying to do that. Then there’s an element of time and they have to go back.”
Does this mean we’ll finally get the end to a trilogy nobody asked for? And is it weird that the prom queen turned hooker on the south side of Detroit still turns me down? I’m sure all of these questions will be answered in the near future. Until then, have a great weekend!
I haven’t really looked into this too much, but Zap2it.com, a website which I wouldn’t normally frequent due to it’s insane amount of pop-ups, is reporting that the upcoming Community paintball 2-part finale is going to be an homage to the Italian western.Â
It was already nearing my sleepy time when I read they were doing another paintball episode, but to now hear that it’s going to pay tribute to spaghetti westerns is nearly the equivalent of popping some Ambien. Is this not a genre that has been parodied to death already?Â
I still love the show and think it’s one of the best on TV, but at some point in season 2 they lost track of developing their characters and decided to focus more on outrageous plots. Does anybody recall that Shirley was a business major or that Annie’s life plan was to transfer to a University after two years? If so, maybe you should be writing for Community.
Nothing quite says "Horrorfest" like a little reverse necrophilia.
To a horror nerd like myself, After Dark’s Horrorfest was nearly a dream come true. Started in 2006, the concept alone had my money. Fifty bucks at your local cineplex bought you a single ticket to see eight different indie horror films spread throughout the evening. At the end of the night, everybody got to vote on their favorite, or so we were told. I don’t recall ever voting for anything, but somehow a winner was always chosen.
And of course most of the films flat out sucked. To this day the mere mention of The Final, Lake Dead, The Graves, or anything with Rider Strong is enough to trigger my gag reflex. In fact, fifty bucks wasn’t much of a deal when you consider that what you really got was one great film, two okay ones, and five complete suckfests. However, that single great film was always a nice find. I still consider Reincarnation, The Broken, and the soon-to-be-remade Lake Mungo to be near perfect horror films.
Now it appears that after four years, Horrorfest is calling it quits. I would assume that they were losing money, as there sure doesn’t seem to be a shortage of crappy horror films. Add to that the fact that After Dark was bought up by SyFy Films, and perhaps all of this is good news. Who would pay fifty bucks to see eight SyFy movies? If anything, they should be paying me.
Well, it’s Monday again, but don’t commit suicide just yet! First enjoy one of my favorites from last Friday’s batch of online April Fool’s gags. It’s from Telltale Games, makers of the recent/upcoming Back to the Future and Jurassic Park games we’ve talked about on the site. Enjoy!
Happy April Fool’s Day, kids! To celebrate, here are some stories that should be jokes, but (as far as I know) are 100% true:
Arnold Schwarzenegger is teaming up with obviously bored comics giant Stan Lee to produce The Governator, a comic book/animated series starring Arnold as himself. Except in this version he quits politics to become a super strong action spy crimefighter, unlike the real world where he quit politics to do an embarrassingly self-aggrandizing comic book/animated series. Now, this news COULD be a joke perpetrated by Entertainment Weekly, but so many sites have reported it as true, that I decided to jump on the bandwagon. Mostly so I could post another clip of Stan Lee’s last infamous collaboration with a celebrity:
In other famous person team-up news, here’s a story that’s been kicking around for awhile, but has seen a recent resurgence: Stephen King and John (Sexy Cougar) Mellencamp are working on a musical called Ghost Brothers of Darkland County. Have we learned NOTHING from Spider-Man, people? If you’re doing a musical, get someone who writes musicals, not a washed up rock star. Although, I have to admit I’d love to see Ringo Starr do a modern stage adaptation of the Paul Bunyan story. I think it might go a little something like this:
Finally, James Cameron has revealed his next big innovation in filmmaking: using more film. Cameron’s convinced that shooting film at higher frame rates will blow audiences away. Sure, more frames per second adds up to a clearer picture and smoother movement (see modern videogames which almost all average more than cinema’s 24fps), but I still find it funny that the guy who taught us that action films could have decent scripts (Terminator, Aliens) has completely abandoned story in favor of visuals. “MORE PICTURES! DELIVERED FASTER TO YOUR BRAIN! WHAT DO YOU MEAN AVATAR WAS DERIVATIVE? IT WAS SO PRETTY!”
Warner Borthers Executive #1: We need a teaser poster for our final Harry Potter film. Ya know, something sexy for the ladies! Warner Brothers Executive #2: Something that’ll get those Twilight tweens in the seats! Warner Brothers Executive #3: I know just the thing! Picture this: Two of the film’s sexiest stars, about to lock lips… Warner Brothers Executive #4: I’ve got it!
Warner Brothers Executive #3: It gets me wet just thinking about it!
At least that seems like the most likely explanation for the copious amounts of photoshopped red goo around the characters’ mouths, considering the absence of any apparent lip wounds. Of course there are other possibilities…
Harry and Voldemort magically switch bodies. Voldemort puts a bunch of lipstick on Harry to make everyone thing he’s a nancy.
Harry convinces Voldemort that he just needs to learn to be human again. Wacky montage ensues in which Voldemort cuts himself shaving.
Turns out the climactic last horcrux is at the bottom of a vat of strawberry Quick.
We’ll just have to wait for July to find out! IN 3D.
Is it weird that when I finally got around to watching the trailer to Paul W.S. Anderson’s The Three Musketeers I fully expected to see both Mila Jovovich flying through the air and zombies? Needless to say, the trailer delivered on one of these things (I still secretly hope the ResEvil zombies will show up in the final act).Â
The weird thing is, this doesn’t look half bad. Sure, it does have flying ships, ninjas, and Orlando Bloom, so granted, it doesn’t look half good either, but we seem to have all of the makings of a great guilty pleasure.
