Critical End!

Remember when we warned you about Chevy’s return as Clark Griswold via a Super Bowl ad for HomeAway?  Well, here’s a sneak peak at what we can expect:

The Oscar nominations were announced today with no big surprises.  Personally, I’m glad to see District 9 up for a few awards, although Sharlto Copley really deserved a best actor nom as well…but what do I know?  If it were up to me, Chevy Chase would still be hosting and any Oscars that Quentin Tarantino won would be given to estate of Sergio Leone. 

The real news here is that your good pals Logan and Ryan will once again be giving the Oscars the ol’ CE! live blog treatment!  Some of you older fans may recall that we had a blast doing this last year.  Keep an eye on the site for handy reminders as Oscar season continues.  The Oscars will air on March 7.

Nominees for the 82nd Academy Awards. 

Sources cannot confirm an appearance by Baby Rowlf in the upcoming film. However, I can personally confirm that he is adorable.

Just when I was beginning to get worried that we hadn’t heard anything about it for a while, The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made! has landed a director.

James Bobin, co-creator of The Flight of the Conchords, and writer/director of some of its best episodes, has officially signed on to shepherd the Muppets’ theatrical comeback.  And he turned down a Judd Apatow movie to do it, which somehow makes me believe he’s got the right attitude to pull this off.

I think a member of the Conchords brain-trust is just the choice for the Muppets.  Both are smart, silly, a little off-kilter, and share a penchant for musical comedy.  Plus Bobin’s a Brit, and the best Muppet stuff was produced in the U.K.  And hey, maybe this means we’ll get a cameo by Albi the Racist Dragon!

So we’ve got a funny British director, a script co-written by Muppet fan Jason Segel, and a cast of veteran puppeteers.  If Disney can manage to not completely mishandle the marketing, this project may pump some much needed life back into the Muppets’ legacy.

Muppet Central News – James Bobin to direct Muppets new theatrical movie

It’s a slow news day here around the Critical End! offices.  Sure, there are a few things of interest (the final two Harry Potter films will be in 3D, even the director of Saw VII doesn’t want to make a Saw VII, and Avatar has become the number one film of all time), but not much to write home about.

That being said, we’re proud to introduce a new feature: Birthday wishes!  Today’s birthday wish goes out to one of my favorite contemporary directors, Frank Darabont.  You may recall him as the Oscar nominated writer/director of such crowd favorites as The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile.  He then went on to piss everybody off with a depressing little horror film called The Mist.  Chances are you never saw it, because horror films (and films starring Thomas Jane) never get any sort of Oscar buzz.  Shame on you.  

I’ve attached a clip of the birthday boy talking about the original theatrical cut of Blade Runner.  It’s a minute and a half, and if you didn’t catch it on the Blade Runner DVD, it’s very funny and worth a look.

Have a favorite Frankie film or moment?  Share below on the all new “Critical End! Birthday Wall of Coolness!” (which looks amazingly like our standard comment section).  Mr. Darabont is 51 today.

Cars is easily my least favorite Pixar film to date.  Not only was it completely lacking all of the elements that usually set Pixar films apart from generic kids crap like G-Force or anything Dreamworks animation has done in the past 10 years, but it even seemed like Pixar was dumbing itself down to reach the type of audience who think that Larry the Cable Guy is the height of comedy.  (Oh yeah, and I had this whole other issue about a world where even the bugs are small cars with wings.  I mean, who made the cars?  How do they mate?  I don’t think anybody thought about this stuff except me.)

All of that being said, Pixar announced Cars 2 a few years back.  Yesterday Disney released their annual report which featured the first concept art from the soon to be Oscar winning sequel.  Check it out:

Yes, it would appear that the cast of Cars is going to Japan.  I assume Lightning McQueen and his pal (sigh) Tow Mater will expierence enough culture clash to rival that of Rush Hour 3.  Oh, and did I mention that it’s going to be in 3D?

Cars 2 crashes into theaters later this year.

[via CHUD]

R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett

I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t excited about Edge of Darkness, Mel Gibson’s big return to acting.  Sure, it’s a plot that we’ve seen over and over again, but it’s also a plot that allows loony Gibson to do what he does best: kicking ass.

However, if there has to be just one other thing that crazy ol’ Mel is good at, it’s the fine art of resurrecting dead languages in an effort to exploit them on film.  Such was the case in his last two directorial efforts, which have featured everything from Aramaic to the little known Yucatec Maya language. 

So, what’s next for wacky pants Mel?  Old Norse.  Yes, you read that right.  Zany brainy Mel let it fly during a press conference for Edge of Darkness that he was making a Viking film with Leonardo DiCaprio that would feature Vikings speaking their native language.  But wait!  There’s more!  He then slightly confused everybody by saying this:

“I think it’s going to be English – the English that would have been spoken back then – and Old Norse.  Whatever the 9th century had to offer.  I’m going to give you real.” 

So, now it’s in Old English too?  Which is it going to be, Gibby?  Oh, who am I kidding?  He could remake Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome in Yiddish for all I care and still get my money.

I’m something of an Alien and Predator nerd.  I admit that even the worst film in the series, Predator 2, has a 2 disc home in my DVD collection.  I also admit that I’m quite looking forward to the upcoming Predator sequel, Predators.  Nothing but good news has come out of the rumor-mill so far: Robert Rodriguez producing, Topher Grace and Adam Brody starring (?!), non-CG effects courtesy of K.N.B., and maybe even a cameo from Schwarzenegger’s Dutch.

All of that being said, I was excited to find out that several photos were leaked out and posted online.  You can view most of them here, but I would be lying if I told you that they gave anything away…except for one that is.  Look closely at this photo of stars Adam Brody and Oleg Taktarov…

Yes, that is, in fact, a Predator standing on a goofy yellow ladder in the background.  It would appear that Hollywood has FINALLY gotten around to making the Chevy Chase-influenced slapstick Predator film that I pitched years back.

Happier times.

When Robert Zemeckis first announced that he was doing a motion capture remake of The Beatles’ Yellow Submarine for Walt Disney Pictures (Kids love stoners), I kind of laughed it off.  “Gee,” I thought.”That guy sure is getting nutty in his old age.”  Now that they’ve actually announced the cast, I’m just now realizing that this wasn’t some elaborate joke and Zemeckis has, for the most part, gone batshit insane.  Does anybody really want another crappy Zemeckis mo-cap film, let alone one that features that nerdy British guy from Harper’s Island as Ringo and Cary Elwes as George?

Zemeckis has always been one of my favorite directors, and for what it’s worth, I stood by him during Polar Express and his mostly nude Beowulf, but this has got to stop.  Do you think the guy even remembers how to make a real movie with actual people?  Raise your hand if you want him to make just one more straight forward adventure-comedy.  Do you see all those hands, Robert?  We all believe that you have at least one classic Hollywood blockbuster left in you.  Give us a call when you decide to make it.

Assuming Obama doesn’t end up interrupting it with the State of the Union address (boring!), need I remind you that we’re less than a month away from the final season of Lost?  Who’s excited?  Anybody?  Hello?  Bueller?  Bueller?  Well, nevertheless, here’s a fun little promo from last summer’s Comic-Con that maybe even you non-hardcore fans (how can you be a non-hardcore fan of Lost?) may enjoy.  Then you should head over to E! and read the minutes from the cast and crew Liveblog on Tuesday.  LESS THAN A MONTH!

I think the subject says all you need to know, but TMZ reported a few days back that Critical End! fav Eli Roth was kayaking off the coast of Mexico when he decided to start punching out a whole rock full of sea urchins.  Needless to say, he was stung over 200 hundred times, but if sea urchins have asses, then I’m sure several were kicked.

The actual story (complete with a nasty photo of Roth’s swollen foot), can be found at TMZ…however, I should point out that your pals and gals here at Critical End! think TMZ is rather lame, so why not just enjoy this picture of Roth dancing on a hotel balcony instead:

I was pretty jazzed when Ryan Reynolds was cast as Green Lantern, but I figured it severely slimmed the chances of his reprising his role from X-Men Origins: Wolverine in a Deadpool solo flick.  But, apparently, Deadpool is still a go, and the Zombieland guys are writing it.  Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (authors of my second favorite film of the year) have demonstrated an excellent mastery of  dry wit and dark comedy, making them a solid choice for a successful adaptation of Deadpool.

And this will make Reynolds the first big name I can think of to headline as both a Marvel and DC hero (although, I guess if you count his role in the third Blade movie, he was there already.)  All we need is a competent director, maybe somebody willing to let Reynolds improvise here and there, and this thing might turn out alright.

[via /iFilm]

Hey, ladies...come a little closer and let me link my ponytail to your banshee.

I can’t quite explain why Avatar is still number one at the box office and is well on its way to breaking records.  I also can’t explain why a lot of this is apparently due to repeat business.  Do people really want to sit through that film twice?  All 162 minutes of it?  Sigh.

Whatever the case may be (Personally?  I think that a lot of people are just plain dumb, but what do I know?), Cameron has announced a longer version of the film when it finally reaches DVD/Blu-Ray.  I’m sure this makes a lot of you dateless losers very excited, but before you go pitching a tent in your pants, consider this great quote from Cameron in regards to the laughable sex scene that was merely hinted at in the theatrical version:

“We had it in and we cut it out. So that will be something for the special edition DVD, if you want to see how they have sex.”

Yes, that is a actual quote from Cameron…and he’s not kidding.  I couldn’t make this crap up.  CHUD has the full story, which goes into slightly more detail.

You are now free to pitch that tent…perv.

Ryan and I have talked at great lengths about how much the experience of seeing a film in an actual theater has gone to crap.  While it’s easy to blame cell phones for this, don’t forget that the real blame should fall on the idiots who refuse to turn them off during the movie.  As this decade comes to a close (and more importantly, Critical End! turns one year old!), it’s time to start looking for a few solutions.  Luckily, CHUD has made an amazing list of ways to improve this problem so I don’t have to.  Give it a read by clicking the great image they made below, and be sure to keep these things in mind when you head out to see Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Jason Lee’s Suicide Note. 

Happy New Year, kids.

Daws Butler at work.

First, we learned that Dan Aykroyd would, for some reason, be voicing Yogi Bear in the upcoming CGI/live-action hybrid film. Weird for several reasons, including:

• Dan Aykroyd hasn’t been the kind of name that can sell a film for years
• Dan Aykroyd is “retired”
• And most important to me, Dan Aykroyd is not a voice actor.

Voice actors are a talented breed. Daws Butler made Yogi and a ton of other Hanna Barbera characters the cultural icons they are today. Since his death, a select group of voice professionals, many trained by Butler himself, have stepped forward to keep his characters alive. So now that Yogi’s going all big budget, it seems unfair to rob a working voice actor of the payday by giving the role to a semi-retired purveyor of magic skull vodka.  No offense, Dan.

But it’s certainly not the most egregious offense ever levied against our golden-throated brethren.  After all, Yogi hasn’t really had a regular voice since Greg Burson stopped working in 2004 (Google that for a truly sad tale), so recasting the part doesn’t hurt any one specific artist.

"This makes me very angry. Very angry indeed."

Which brings us to the rumor that Mike Myers may voice Marvin the Martian in yet another half CGI/half C-list actor combo movie.  Really?   Really, everybody?  We’re cool with this?  Mike Myers, the guy responsible for what may be the least watchable movie of all time?  (FUN HOME GAME: Find a friend.  Got one?  Good.  Now refer to Mike Myers as “the guy responsible for what may be the least watchable movie of all time” and see which film your friend thinks you’re talking about.)

Yes, a man who is already immeasurably rich is going to get the keys to another dump truck full of money in exchange for what will very likely be a terrible, unresearched imitation of Mel Blanc, while Joe Alaskey–easily one of the most talented voice actors working today–continues to toil in relative obscurity.  Or, more likely and more insulting, Alaskey will end up doing one of the movie’s disposable bit characters while Myers ham-tonguedly mars (Get it?  Mars?) Marvin’s legacy.

Their love didn't follow the rules...of space.

Look.  Some of the most recognizable (and lucrative) characters in the world are cartoons.  Yet, Hollywood continues to treat the performers  who bring them to life like second class citizens.   Take a look at any poster for Space Jam (WARNING: Do not take a look at the movie Space Jam.)  You’ll see that the top-billed stars are Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny.  Oh, I’m sorry!  Bugs Bunny and Michael Jordan. So why is it that when the movie premiered, Michael was led into the prestigious Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, while Billy West and the rest of the voice cast were shunted into an entirely separate screening.  I mean, I get that Jordan is going to get the press attention, but were they afraid he might accidentally catch some talent if he spent 90 minutes in the same room with a voice actor?

I’ll tell you what will change things:  If the audience starts caring.  For every ten people who know Will Smith starred in Shark Tale, I want one who can name any Maurice LeMarche character.  The more Hollywood thinks you care, the more we’ll see voice actors in trailer credits and on talk shows, and the less likely Justin Long will somehow end up voicing Alvin the Chipmunk.  I dream of a day when our children’s children will line up to see Frank  Welker walk the red carpet to receive his lifetime achievement award.  And if somebody tells Tom Kenny he can’t go to the same premiere as David Hasselhoff, he can look them right in the eye and say “Fuck you, man.  I’m SpongeBob SquarePants and I’ll go any place I Goddamn please.”

You may recall me teasing Hot Tub Time Machine back in August in yet another Chevy Chase realted post.  Granted, the teaser didn’t have him in it, but the thought of Chevy in an R-rated film was kind of excting.  Now that the full trailer is out (with Chevy in it), I have to admit that the film does look like a lot of fun.  Heck, we even get to see John Cusack on a ski slope in the ’80’s!  Surely they’ll throw a Better Off Dead joke in there some place…