Sources cannot confirm an appearance by Baby Rowlf in the upcoming film. However, I can personally confirm that he is adorable.
Just when I was beginning to get worried that we hadn’t heard anything about it for a while, The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made! has landed a director.
James Bobin, co-creator of The Flight of the Conchords, and writer/director of some of its best episodes, has officially signed on to shepherd the Muppets’ theatrical comeback. And he turned down a Judd Apatow movie to do it, which somehow makes me believe he’s got the right attitude to pull this off.
I think a member of the Conchords brain-trust is just the choice for the Muppets. Both are smart, silly, a little off-kilter, and share a penchant for musical comedy. Plus Bobin’s a Brit, and the best Muppet stuff was produced in the U.K. And hey, maybe this means we’ll get a cameo by Albi the Racist Dragon!
So we’ve got a funny British director, a script co-written by Muppet fan Jason Segel, and a cast of veteran puppeteers. If Disney can manage to not completely mishandle the marketing, this project may pump some much needed life back into the Muppets’ legacy.
What were James Cameron’s true goals as he toiled away for ten years in his basement, developing the technology that would one day make us fall in love with Panthro and Cheetara’s love children? Sure, he wanted to make strides in CG and 3D immersion, but could he also have been plotting to create a movie that would be exciting enough…TO KILL?!
Probably not. But much like the foolish military that funded Skynet, Cameron has become complicit in the death of a (presumably) kindly old Taiwanese man who, doctors say, was so fucking blown away by the film that he had a brain hemorrhage and later died. Science hasn’t yet advanced far enough to provide a record of his final thoughts. But my guess is he died just as he was thinking “Wait, this is basically Dances with FernGully–ERK!”
Of course there was one thing FernGully had that Avatar was missing:
That being said, we’re proud to introduce a new feature: Birthday wishes! Today’s birthday wish goes out to one of my favorite contemporary directors, Frank Darabont. You may recall him as the Oscar nominated writer/director of such crowd favorites as The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile. He then went on to piss everybody off with a depressing little horror film called The Mist. Chances are you never saw it, because horror films (and films starring Thomas Jane) never get any sort of Oscar buzz. Shame on you. Â
I’ve attached a clip of the birthday boy talking about the original theatrical cut of Blade Runner. It’s a minute and a half, and if you didn’t catch it on the Blade Runner DVD, it’s very funny and worth a look.
Have a favorite Frankie film or moment? Share below on the all new “Critical End! Birthday Wall of Coolness!” (which looks amazingly like our standard comment section). Mr. Darabont is 51 today.
Cars is easily my least favorite Pixar film to date. Not only was it completely lacking all of the elements that usually set Pixar films apart from generic kids crap like G-Force or anything Dreamworks animation has done in the past 10 years, but it even seemed like Pixar was dumbing itself down to reach the type of audience who think that Larry the Cable Guy is the height of comedy. (Oh yeah, and I had this whole other issue about a world where even the bugs are small cars with wings. I mean, who made the cars? How do they mate? I don’t think anybody thought about this stuff except me.)
All of that being said, Pixar announced Cars 2 a few years back. Yesterday Disney released their annual report which featured the first concept art from the soon to be Oscar winning sequel. Check it out:
Yes, it would appear that the cast of Cars is going to Japan. I assume Lightning McQueen and his pal (sigh) Tow Mater will expierence enough culture clash to rival that of Rush Hour 3. Oh, and did I mention that it’s going to be in 3D?
Bruce Campbell has announced that he will star in a follow-up to My Name is Bruce, in which he played a comically exaggerated self-deprecating version of himself that saves a small town from a demon. In the sequel, Bruce Vs. Frankenstein, he’ll wind up in Europe where he, presumably, will save a small European town from a mad scientist and his monstrous creation. I’m not sure what got Campbell going on this, but if he wants to remake the rest of Abbott and Costello’s oeuvre while he’s at it (Bruce Campbell Chainsaws the Mummy, Bruce Campbell Wrestles the Invisible Man, The Wistful She-Bitch of Wagon Gap, etc.), I’m completely on board.
Honestly, though, My Name is Bruce wasn’t all that hot. It was hokey, like a lot of Campbell’s work, but it lacked the Sam Raimi execution that makes that kind of thing work. And Ted Raimi turned in four performances that made me realize why Sam usually limits him to cameos. Here’s hoping they pull it off a bit better this time.
An unplanned aside after recording episode 41 of the regular podcast turned into a Critical Hit! on the Leno/Conan debacle going on at NBC. Some day we’ll all look back on this and laugh. Much harder than we ever did at either of their shows.
I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t excited about Edge of Darkness, Mel Gibson’s big return to acting. Sure, it’s a plot that we’ve seen over and over again, but it’s also a plot that allows loony Gibson to do what he does best: kicking ass.
However, if there has to be just one other thing that crazy ol’ Mel is good at, it’s the fine art of resurrecting dead languages in an effort to exploit them on film. Such was the case in his last two directorial efforts, which have featured everything from Aramaic to the little known Yucatec Maya language.Â
So, what’s next for wacky pants Mel? Old Norse. Yes, you read that right. Zany brainy Mel let it fly during a press conference for Edge of Darkness that he was making a Viking film with Leonardo DiCaprio that would feature Vikings speaking their native language. But wait! There’s more!  He then slightly confused everybody by saying this:
“I think it’s going to be English – the English that would have been spoken back then – and Old Norse. Whatever the 9th century had to offer. I’m going to give you real.”Â
So, now it’s in Old English too? Which is it going to be, Gibby? Oh, who am I kidding? He could remake Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome in Yiddish for all I care and still get my money.
Vampires: Grim and gritty supernatural killers or creepy angsty stalkers? To make the call, we pit the Spierig Brothers’ latest against a movie we never thought we’d see. As Bela Lugosi put it, “I have never met a vampire personally, but I don’t know what might happen tomorrow.” REVIEWED: Daybreakers, *cough*Twilight*cough*
I’m something of an Alien and Predator nerd. I admit that even the worst film in the series, Predator 2, has a 2 disc home in my DVD collection.  I also admit that I’m quite looking forward to the upcoming Predator sequel, Predators. Nothing but good news has come out of the rumor-mill so far: Robert Rodriguez producing, Topher Grace and Adam Brody starring (?!), non-CG effects courtesy of K.N.B., and maybe even a cameo from Schwarzenegger’s Dutch.
All of that being said, I was excited to find out that several photos were leaked out and posted online. You can view most of them here, but I would be lying if I told you that they gave anything away…except for one that is.  Look closely at this photo of stars Adam Brody and Oleg Taktarov…
Yes, that is, in fact, a Predator standing on a goofy yellow ladder in the background.  It would appear that Hollywood has FINALLY gotten around to making the Chevy Chase-influenced slapstick Predator film that I pitched years back.
After the stirring social commentary that was He’s Just Not That Into You, Logan and I suspected that we had a new trend on our hands. Well, this confirms it: We’re officially on to self-help books. Not since the board gameadaptation trend, or even the amusement park rideadaptation trend, has a more exciting movie-from-not-a-movie trend crossed our desks.
Never one to lag behind the times, I threw the idea into the Critical End! Trend-O-Tronic Pitch Machine (TM) and it predicted what we have to look forward to between now and 2012 when John Cusack kills us all:
Rich Dad Poor Dad
Two single dads, hard working blue-collar contractor Danny Miles (John Travolta) and pampered blue-blooded aristocrat Trevor Pennybottom (Colin Firth) magically switch bodies thanks to a Wiccan ritual gone wrong. Can they each raise the other’s daughter while learning a little about themselves in the process?
Awaken the Giant Within
A young boy (Chandler Canterbury) is devastated by his parents impending divorce, so he retreats to a fantasy world (crafted by director Guillermo del Toro) where he is a man-eating giant. Aziz Ansari plays the dual roles of the kindly fisherman that befriends the boy and the voice of the giant’s comical fruit-fly companion.
Self Matters
Dr. Phillip Self (Jason Alexander) is a forensic scientist on the trail of the Paper Crane Killer. But the real casualty may be his long-neglected marriage. Bebe Neuwirth costars.
Yoga and the Wisdom of Menopause
Will be exactly like the book except the full title will be Tyler Perry’s Yoga and the Wisdom of Menopause.
Anyway, if you’re one of the 14 million people who have already read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, please don’t ruin the ending for your friends. (SPOILER: A baby.)
When Robert Zemeckis first announced that he was doing a motion capture remake of The Beatles’ Yellow Submarine for Walt Disney Pictures (Kids love stoners), I kind of laughed it off. “Gee,” I thought.”That guy sure is getting nutty in his old age.” Now that they’ve actually announced the cast, I’m just now realizing that this wasn’t some elaborate joke and Zemeckis has, for the most part, gone batshit insane. Does anybody really want another crappy Zemeckis mo-cap film, let alone one that features that nerdy British guy from Harper’s Island as Ringo and Cary Elwes as George?
Zemeckis has always been one of my favorite directors, and for what it’s worth, I stood by him during Polar Express and his mostly nude Beowulf, but this has got to stop. Do you think the guy even remembers how to make a real movie with actual people? Raise your hand if you want him to make just one more straight forward adventure-comedy. Do you see all those hands, Robert? We all believe that you have at least one classic Hollywood blockbuster left in you. Give us a call when you decide to make it.
Assuming Obama doesn’t end up interrupting it with the State of the Union address (boring!), need I remind you that we’re less than a month away from the final season of Lost? Who’s excited? Anybody? Hello? Bueller? Bueller? Well, nevertheless, here’s a fun little promo from last summer’s Comic-Con that maybe even you non-hardcore fans (how can you be a non-hardcore fan of Lost?) may enjoy. Then you should head over to E! and read the minutes from the cast and crew Liveblog on Tuesday. LESS THAN A MONTH!
And another Ryan guest appearance. This one’s a sequel to the first episode I was on. Chris teaches Arnie and me more about the wild world of LARPing as we attempt to make our own vampire characters.
Check it (and all the other great episodes) out on iTunes or play it below.
No podcast today, kids. Logan and I saw Daybreakers, but then had a last minute idea that will push the show to next week, but make it twice as awesome. I can’t give you the details, but I will say it involves a movie we thought we’d never see.
Meanwhile, I don’t know about you folks, but I’ve been pretty interested in the late night debacle going on at NBC. And you know who knows a ton about late night debacles? Friend of the blog, Chevy Chase. (Okay, he’s not really a “friend of the blog”, but if we all start calling him that, maybe it will catch on.)
Here’s Chevy (in a Conan wig) chatting with Jimmy Kimmel (dressed as Leno) about the situation.
I think the subject says all you need to know, but TMZ reported a few days back that Critical End! fav Eli Roth was kayaking off the coast of Mexico when he decided to start punching out a whole rock full of sea urchins. Needless to say, he was stung over 200 hundred times, but if sea urchins have asses, then I’m sure several were kicked.
The actual story (complete with a nasty photo of Roth’s swollen foot), can be found at TMZ…however, I should point out that your pals and gals here at Critical End! think TMZ is rather lame, so why not just enjoy this picture of Roth dancing on a hotel balcony instead:
